


Found You

by mishenjared



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, M/M, i'm a sucker for happy endings so there, pop culture references all throughout yay, todd is an x-men geek, todd writes fanfiction and is good at it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-01-04 20:03:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishenjared/pseuds/mishenjared
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Todd Anderson is a huge geek and writes fanfiction. Neil Perry is the star player of the school’s soccer team, an A+ student, popular, and nice. Not to mention handsome. They manage to meet in the middle when Todd transfers to Welton in their senior year and they become roommates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New School Year

**Author's Note:**

> I missed anderperry week [sighs loudly]. Anyway, this’ll be a happy anderperry, because I don’t need to cry because of this stupid pairing anymore. Also you’ll be reading my raw writing because I couldn’t be bothered to find a beta. I’m so sorry. (But if you want to beta for me that’ll be swell). If you point out any mistake, I'd be eternally grateful. (And yes, I've mapped the story out and we'll definitely be having mature scenes).

Jeff brought him to school five days before the actual start. Todd was supposed to be brought in a week earlier, but he managed to haggle it down. Still, five days of doing nothing on campus was sort of a torture.

"You'll thank me for this," Jeff said as he helped Todd unload his bags from the trunk of his car. Todd's face was stuck between misery and anger. "Here in Welton, you'll need at least six months to prepare for everything they're gonna throw at you."

 _Then why did you even bring me here in the first place?_  Todd thought as they entered the dormitory. Only a few people were around, and maybe half of them were staff.

Jeff sighed. "Wow, it feels like yesterday when I was here myself. I was petrified. Mom and Dad told me this was the best preparatory school in the state. I didn't think I was ready for what they'd say. 'We expect the best from - '"

"' - you son, so don't fail us.' I know, I know. They only enrolled us here because this is the best. I'd be an honor student here and follow you into an Ivy League school." Todd looked like a dejected little child. He would never act this way in front of his parents. He couldn't. But Jeff was different. With Jeff it was just easier to...  _be_. "I just don't get it; why do  _I_  have to do it?"

Jeff sighed again. With one look at the number on the key assigned to Todd, Jeff led the way without a sweat. They arrived at his room almost immediately.

"Do you need help unpacking?" Jeff asked as he put the key on Todd's open palm.

"Jesus, Jeff. I'm not 5." Todd slid the key into the hole a little too strongly. Then he let go of it, and turned to Jeff. He was hurt. "I'm sorry. It's just that... it really is too early. I'm not even sure if they have wifi here."

Jeff's frown turned into a secretive smile. "They do, but it's password protected. I bought you pocket wifi though. Sort of a good luck gift. Don't tell anyone." Todd looked gratefully at the box his older brother handed him. Another concerned look passed Jeff's face as he checked his watch. "Listen, I've got to go. I've still got a long drive ahead of me." He smiled again, and ruffled Todd's hair. "Good luck, bro. Text me if you need anything, okay?" Then he was gone.

Todd stood there a little bit longer, among his boxes and bags. He shifted his laptop bag on his shoulder and grabbed the key again. He turned it in his hand, only to find out that the door wasn't locked at all. In fact, there was already someone inside. Crap. Someone beat him to it. He was hoping to get there first so that he could set up in peace.

The boy was listening to music while... studying? Why?

Todd decided not to pry and to just unpack his things quietly. It probably would do both of them good. He had successfully brought all his bags in without the boy noticing him until he bumped one of the boxes at the door frame, and out fell all of his textbooks. Noisily.

Todd winced inwardly as the boy jumped in his seat. Brown eyes were wide with fright as they looked at Todd and a hand clutched at a blue sweater. The hand then quickly took off the earphones.

"S-sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," muttered Todd as he bent down to collect the books.

A chair shifted. "It's-it's okay," breathed the boy. Then he also bent down to help him. "Jesus."

"Thanks. A-and, sorry." Todd repeated as the boy handed him his textbooks. He noticed that his own hands were trembling.  _Damn it,_  he thought as he tried to settle them. He set the books down on his desk.

"Really, it's okay." The brown-haired boy smiled gently at him. He then held out a hand. His handshake was firm, but easy. "Neil Perry. Todd Anderson, right? I knew your brother."

It was nice to know the boy had a name. Todd simply nodded and replied with an 'oh, that's nice'.

Neil was polite with his ' _do you need help setting up?_ ' and his ' _we can switch sides of the room if you want._ ' Todd felt undeserving for a nice roommate.

Todd shook his head at all the help Neil offered him, and finished unpacking in a matter of hours. By that time, Neil was back to studying his Physics book with his earphones plugged in. Todd even managed to put up his favorite X-Men poster - the poster of the most recent movie where it had all the cast lined up and posed all badass-looking - just beside the window. And he still had enough time before nightfall. He felt proud of himself.

After a shower and a change of clothes, he plopped right down in front of his laptop and slipped his headphones on. With his brother's gift, nothing would be impossible. He opened his account on AO3, and smiled at the multitude of comments on his new chapter on his Cherik fanfic called  _Count the Empires_. He posted it just last night. The fanfic was set in the First Class verse, and he was trying to beat the release of Days of Future Past. He wasn't trying to mimic the story, since he already knew how it would go, but he was trying to make a fix-it story; everybody was desperate for a fix-it story after First Class.

He opened up a new tab for his LiveJournal, and informed the internet of his slightly successful touchdown in Welton.  _I'll be out of here in no time,_  he typed.  _Wish me luck._ He then proceeded to write up the next chapter.

Todd only had 800 words up when someone tapped his shoulder. He took his headphones off and looked up at Neil questioningly.

"You coming to the dining hall? It's 7:30 PM. Thought you might be hungry." His smile was teeth. White teeth. But still so gentle.

Todd's stomach growled, but he shook his head. "I'm fine. I'll go there later. Thanks, anyway." Neil nodded in understanding and turned to close the door behind him.

Then he put his headphones on again before realizing that he didn't know the way to the dining hall. His stomach rumbled angrily at him. 

* * *

  
He ended up not eating dinner that night. Neil came in 30 minutes later with Todd pretending to be asleep.

* * *

  
When he awoke, Neil wasn't there. It was just 5:30 AM; where the hell could that guy be?

Todd decided to finish writing the new chapter, and when he finished, it was 6:30 AM. His stomach was feeling ravenous when he sent it to his beta-reader. When he decided to go find the dining hall himself, Neil came in their room all sweaty and breathy.

"Todd, you're awake!" Neil beamed at him. "You wanna go have breakfast?"

Todd couldn't have nodded any faster.

* * *

  
Neil was nice. He was amiable and didn't pry much into Todd's personal life. They shared a companionable silence when both of them were busy in their room. He did ask occasionally about his X-Men t-shirts and poster, and it took all of Todd not to burst into a monologue about the X-Men. He didn't want to scare his roommate (again). He showed him the way to food, after all. It was like this until the other students started piling in during the weekend.

Of course Neil had friends. He was handsome, nice, a soccer player (Neil told him on one of their meals), and probably really smart (all those studying had to mean  _something_ ). And when those friends came, Todd shied away even if Neil asked him to come along to their meals. Todd figured he'd do both of them good and not intrude. He'd probably just make a fool of himself.

"Rumor has it," said one of Neil's friends as they made their way out of them room to have lunch. "You did summer school."

Neil only smiled that friendly smile. "Yep, Physics. My father thought I should get ahead." They shook hands. "How's your summer, slick?"

"Keen." replied his friend with a lopsided grin.

"Who's the new kid?" asked another one of them. Todd groaned inwardly.

"Oh, this is Todd Anderson," Neil said, patting him gently on the back. Todd turned from his laptop to face them.

"I'm Steven Meeks," said a ginger while they shook hands. "Nice to meet you." He mumbled a 'nice to meet you' back.

"Charlie Dalton." The one with the lopsided grin said, not even bothering to shake his hand. He stayed leaning against the door frame with his hands inside his pockets. Todd could only nod at him.

"Knox Overstreet." greeted the last boy, reaching for his hand with a smile. He was shaking too many hands.

He thought it was well and over until Neil decided to introduce him more. "Todd's brother was Jeffrey Anderson."

The whole room made noises of approval. Charlie was the first to make a comment. "Oh yeah, sure! Valedictorian, national merit scholar." Todd felt his throat close.

"Well, welcome to Hellton!" Steven hummed. Todd could only nod once again. He tried gulping as he sat back down in front of his laptop.

"You coming to have lunch with us, Todd?" Neil asked once again when most of them were out of the room. Todd only shook his head. "Hm, okay then." Neil closed the door behind him.

He hated it when people knew about his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT (11/27/15): Changed Chemistry to Physics 'cause they're seniors. Figured that would be more accurate. Goodbye, beautiful reference.


	2. Halloween

September was a blur.

His brother was right: you did need six months for everything that Welton's gonna throw at you. Six months of mental, emotional, and psychological preparation, then six months of therapy right after. The teachers grilled you here. They were all old and gray and they didn't understand that you needed to sleep. It felt like torture.

Todd's falling back on everything. It wasn't like  _this_  in his previous school. If he was doing bad in his previous school, then he's doing worse in Welton. No,  _Hell_ ton. Steven Meeks was right. He didn't even get to post anything for two straight weeks now. He couldn't afford logging onto any website either; he might get distracted and end up not finishing his homework. His laptop was for Googling answers only.

What amazes Todd is that Neil's still got the time for all of the schoolwork, soccer practice,  _and_  sleep. How does he do it? He doesn't even have enough time for schoolwork and sleep alone.

 _Maybe it's because he doesn't value the internet as much as you do,_  Todd thought as he logged into three websites simultaneously. He had finished homework early, and Neil was out playing soccer with his buddies. Turns out he and Charlie were co-captains of the Welton team.  _Sorry I've been gone for so long,_  he wrote on his LJ.  _Welton should be renamed Hellton. Think 6th and 7th Circles combined. It's worse than that._

People were getting worried about  _Count the Empires_.  _Please don't be one of those authors who posts a cliffhanger and then never ever updates!_  said one of the usual people who comment on his work. Comments like this went on and on and on. Eventually, he gave up on trying to reply to all of them. He could be working on the next chapter right now, and he's sure they'd appreciate that more.

He opened Word and immediately started typing the next chapter, picking up from where he left off. 

It was getting dark outside when Neil came in. He was kind of gross and sweaty. He had a serious look on his face, as if he was trying to remember something but couldn't. Todd looked away. Maybe if he'd ignore him, Neil wouldn't try and interact. He really needed to finish this chapter right now.

"Hey Todd, I've been meaning to tell you: your name's on the list of the new players." 

Tough luck. "What?"

"You're playing soccer and you didn't tell me!" The tone was slightly accusatory, but Todd saw Neil was lighthearted about it when he looked at him again. There was that smile. God.

Todd realized he was staring and he quickly looked down.

He was trying to avoid soccer. He used to play soccer for his previous school, but he decided he didn't like it. He never told his parents, though. They must have been the ones to apply him for soccer here. "M-must've been a mistake."

Neil snorted as he swung his towel over his shoulder. "Can't be a mistake; Coach never makes a mistake. He triple-checks these kind of things."

Todd didn't say anything and hoped he'd drop the subject.

He was lucky that time. "When I come back I'll be heading for the dining hall. You coming?"

Todd turned back to his laptop. "I-I need to finish something. You can go without me."

"If you say so," hummed Neil. Then he was alone again. Todd began to write the chapter's ending.

Neil was already back from dinner when he managed to send it to his beta. His stomach rumbled. Todd decided he needed to eat if he wanted to sleep peacefully tonight. He contemplated on wearing more appropriate clothes, but it was only 8:30 PM anyways, so the dining hall should still be open, but with lesser guests. What he wore wasn't gonna matter.

With a worn Professor X shirt and his pajama bottoms, he walked as quickly as he could towards the dining hall and headed straight for the food. Mashed potato, meat, vegetables, spaghetti... he spotted mac n' cheese just in time and took a bowlful of it to an empty table. He hated eating alone, but you got used it.

Todd was halfway finished when someone neared his table. "I'm sorry, but I'm a fan of the Professor, too." A nervous grin met his blue gaze when he looked up. And up. This guy was tall. He shook his head when the tall guy asked him if there was anyone sitting there. Tall Guy immediately took the seat and set his plate down on the table. "I haven't seen you much around before, but I think we share our literature class with Mr. Keating? Never thought you'd be an X-Men fan as well. I'm big on the comics. The movies are pretty good, too."

Todd genuinely smiled for, perhaps, the first time since he went to this campus. "I'm Todd Anderson."

"Gerard Pitts. Pleased to make your acquaintance." They didn't shake hands, which only made Todd approve of him more. "Oh, if you don't mind - " he jerked a thumb off to the food section " - a friend of mine's going to sit with us. He's more of a Game of Thrones guy, but he's alright with X-Men."

To his surprise, it was Steven Meeks, the one he'd been quoting in his LJ entry earlier. A Song of Ice and Fire, huh?

All three of them shared an easy conversation about various fandoms, and Todd felt better than he had in these two weeks. He literally felt the anxiety slither away from him. The conversation ended when the staff alerted them that it was closing time. He didn't even notice it was already 10 PM. They decided to exchange account names on their way back to the dorms so they could find each other online.

Neil was already asleep when he came back. Todd went to turn on his laptop to find the accounts they gave him. He felt himself smiling. He was still smiling when he went to bed for the night.  
  


* * *

  
Turns out Pitts and Meeks weren't just average people like him; they were both part of the school newspaper (Pitts is the art director while Meeks was the editor-in-chief) and the science club (Pitts is the president while Meeks is vice-president). They discovered his fanfiction early on and convinced him to join the newspaper. For once, he said yes without hesitation. 

They gave him an easy feature part as a test run, and it was about Halloween. Sure. He could handle that. In the midst of his homework and his fanfiction, he researched and wrote about Halloween. He polished the article again and again and even added pictures in. It was perfect when he turned it in to Pitts and Meeks, and they thought so too. He was going to be officially part of the newspaper staff when the October issue gets published.

He started saying 'yes' to Neil's offers of going to meals together, since Pitts and Meeks are part of his group. He was still uneasy around the others, though. But it was better.  _He_  was better. He even got to post a new chapter. It was spectacular.  
  


* * *

  
The group wanted to do something for Halloween, but again, it was pushed back because of school work.  _Next year,_  they all promised.  _Next year we'll be free._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 has less Neil/Todd development but more Todd development woot Todd. Also, yes, I’m not including Cameron. Not yet, at least.
> 
> Also, when am I getting a beta of my own? I am sad.


	3. All Saints' Day

It smelled of smoke in their room. Not that he was against smoking or anything, but he just didn't appreciate other people in their room, especially when he was trying to do his schoolwork.

Neil always, always, _always_  let in Charlie and Knox anytime they knocked on the door. And every time they knock, they always had some kind of distracting stuff with them. One time, Charlie brought a saxophone. Another time, Knox brought a blond girl. Then another time, Charlie brought in two girls. And  _then_ , there was that time that Charlie brought pornography.

Todd was so close to snapping when they brought in cigarettes. He could handle the noise of their girls and their saxophone, because then he could drown them out with his headphones, but there was absolutely nothing he could do with the smell.

"Todd? Where are you going?" Neil said, waving the smoke away from his face. He stood up from the radiator, alarmed that Todd was tucking in his laptop in its bag. He never did that. He always kept it on his desk, in sleep mode, with the charger hanging about.

"Out." Todd replied curtly. He didn't really want to make a big deal out of this. He sighed and tried to make up an excuse. "I have to meet up with Pitts, um, at the library."

"You just went out with him for dinner." Neil reasoned, stepping closer to him. Knox and Charlie were quiet as they observed them. "Todd, it's 8:45."

"Look, it's okay, alright? I just have to d-do something for the paper." Todd didn't want to look directly at Neil. He was probably giving him his best impression of a puppy.

Neil's voice lowered to a whisper. "Hey, if the smell's disturbing you, I can ask them to - "

"Neil. It's okay." Todd said, still refusing to look at him. He hitched up the laptop bag on his shoulder.

Neil frowned. "Okay then. Be careful." He began to move back to his place at the window.

Todd sighed a breath of relief once he closed the door behind him. The library didn't close until 10 PM anyway, so he was safe for at least an hour. He just hoped that by the time he got back, they'd be gone.  


* * *

  
"Hey, Neil, why do you care so much about your roommate?" asked Charlie the exact moment the door closed. Knox blew smoke directly at him.

"That's because he's his roommate, duh." Knox said, inhaling from his cigarette once again. "Not everyone's inconsiderate like you."

"That's because not everyone has the misfortune of having Cameron as a roommate!" Charlie exclaimed, and both Neil and Knox laughed at that. "No, but for real. Do you have the hots for this guy, Perry? Because as far as I can see, he's been pushing you off and blocking every move you make."

Neil snorted with a smile, smoke coming out of his nose. "No. I guess. I don't know. Why are you even asking me this?"

"Because I'm interested in people who aren't interested in the mighty Neil Perry." answered Charlie, putting his feet up Neil's bed. "All the people in this campus, student and teacher alike, are swooning over you. Hell, you even have admirers from our sister school and the resident public school. You're that charming. And my guess is that you're so concerned about this Anderson because he doesn't seem to care about you. You're so used to everyone coming undone in your mere presence - "

"Okay, can we stop it with the poetry?" laughed Neil, turning to open the window behind him. "You're making me sound like a narcissistic megalomaniac."

"Which you are not," Knox assured Neil, pointedly looking at Charlie, eyes wide, as if mentally communicating to him that he's stepping over lines.

A cool gust of wind made its way into the room, clearing the air from their cigarettes' smoke.

"I'm not making moves on him. I'm just trying to be friendly," explained Neil as he ground his cigarette on the ashtray Knox brought with him.

But in truth, it has always puzzled him, Todd's closed off personality. No, it was more of like Todd  _was_  the puzzle. And Neil Perry was very good at solving puzzles. It's just that Todd's sort of like the boss battle.

"Well, don't worry too much. He's got Meeks and Pitts with him. He'll be fine." Knox said.

Neil sighed. "You know what?" He turned around and leaned on the radiator. Both Knox and Charlie hummed in question. "You guys should go."

"What? We were just getting started!" protested Charlie, sitting upright on the bed. Knox, however, was already grounding his cigarette on the tray.

"It's been an hour, Charlie," reasoned Neil, taking the cigarette from between Charlie's lips. He tossed it into the tray. "You should learn to love your lungs."

Once they had said their good nights, Neil tried his best to fan out the remaining smoke in their room. He made a note in his head never to smoke in it again. It steers away shy roommates.  


* * *

  
It was 10:15 PM when Todd got back to their room. He quietly sneaked in, because Neil was already asleep. The windows were wide open. It was freezing cold. There was only a faint trace left of their smoking session.  


* * *

 

"Come on now everyone," Mr. Keating, their Literature teacher, crooned, trying to comfort the students of the inevitable. The class had groaned collectively the moment he mentioned the upcoming exams and the project they'd have to turn in for the quarter. He didn't even have the chance to explain it first. "Hear me out first. I know you're tired of hearing about the exams, but it is indeed important and wouldn't be mentioned otherwise if it wasn't."

He looked around the class; it was the last period for the day, and he knew all too well how the students were already dead by this hour. He noticed that even his best students were trying their damnedest not to zone out and stare out of the windows instead. Mr. Keating cleared his throat to shake some of the students out of the limbo they were already floating in. "I'd like it to be easy for everyone, so I've made two options for all of you, since it is sure that you'll prefer one over the other. Do you remember when I made you recite poetry? That is the first option. You will compose your own poem. The second option is to write a short story about anything. Fiction writing, like we did earlier this week. Just operate on the same standards that I've given you."

Mr. Keating's eyed each one of the students. They looked less mortified now. "And I want you to do it with another person. You'll each be paired off." Some groaned, some cheered. Todd Anderson, in particular, looked like he wanted to sink into his chair and disappear. Oh, the poor boy. He almost wished he didn't require this project to be a dyad. But they'll have to be more familiar with each other. He felt like he didn't do enough group building in his class despite their soccer sessions.

"I've paired you all up according to a secret poll in my head." Mr. Keating grinned, and this time no one was happy about it. He called out all the names, pairing off the ones who could do well with what the other possessed in quality and personality. Finally, after many vain protests, the teacher arrived at the last pairing in his list. "Mr. Neil Perry goes with Mr. Anderson." He announced, blue eyes flicking over just in time to see them exchange a glance. He then clapped his hands together.

"Now, who wants to discuss the next topic intended for your exam?" That earned him another groan. He simply grinned at them.  


* * *

  
The bell couldn't have rung soon enough. Even though Mr. Keating had made it as painless as he could, Todd Anderson couldn't stop thinking about the project. It could have been worse; he could have been paired up with Richard Cameron, with whom he didn't have any relations with. In fact, he was even lucky he got Neil Perry. They were roommates, and he didn't have to worry about him slacking off the project.... But he'll be damned if he was going to bear him and his wide smiles and his smoking friends. He just reminded him of his brother.

Todd shoved his books and notebooks inside of his satchel, trying to do it as quickly as he can without dropping any of them. If he was fast enough, maybe Neil Perry would delay talking to him until they were in their room. Todd wasn't in such a hurry to get back to their room. Not if Charlie and Knox were gonna be there.

"Todd." greeted an all too familiar voice. Todd bit back a groan as he looked up from his bag. Neil's brown eyes were big and disarming. "Sorry about yesterday. I swear that won't happen again. I had no idea you had an aversion to it."

"I told you, it's okay." Todd said, although it really wasn't. Neil's smile caught him off guard. Again.

"I'll make it up to you. Somehow." Neil paused, and adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder. "Maybe we could talk about our project?"

"Oh, um, sure." Todd said, gulping.

"Do you prefer poetry or fiction writing?"

"Uh. Poetry."

Another smile. "Great! I prefer poetry, too. It's easier than making up your own characters. With poetry you can just flow, you know?" Neil said. Todd found himself nodding. Neil jerked his thumb towards the door. "I think we should talk about this in a more comfortable place. Oh, uh, I forgot to ask, sorry. Are you doing anything this afternoon? I wouldn't want to interrupt something important."

Todd shook his head, much to his distress. He should start practicing the art of lying.

"Okay, awesome." Neil grinned. "I think the library would be a great place to create poetry."

The lights in the room suddenly turned off. Then on again. Both of them looked at the light switch. "I appreciate you boys discussing your project so early, but I'd appreciate it better if you did it somewhere else." said Mr. Keating all the way from the door. "Classrooms are about to be closed by the janitor. You wouldn't want to be locked in a classroom all night, trust me."

Neil laughed. "Yes, Mr. Keating." Then he turned back to Todd. "I think we should go."

Todd could only nod. Why did he forgive him so easily? He wouldn't be easily going with him if it weren't so. In fact, he'd be trying to find a way out of this already. Making up another stupid excuse that had a 99% chance of not working.  _Shit,_  he thought to himself. He cursed himself all the way to the library. Why did Neil Perry have to be so charming?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zenwriter really does help. Holy hell. It’s amazeballs. Go check it out. Sorry this took so long btw. I was having a huge block. But, zenwriter, man. It helped a lot. Happy New Year, guys! Ahhh, I have the feeling 2014's gonna be a helluva year.


	4. Veterans' Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not abandoned you guys. Huzzah. Hope you enjoy this new chapter!

_remember, remember/_   
_never ever forget/_

_those who have been drafted/_   
_into fights they barely know about/_   
_into fights they never started/_   
_into fights they’re expected to finish/_

_those who have fought/_   
_in skirmishes and in wars/_   
_in the midst of guns and bombs/_   
_in the name of a better future/_

_remember, remember/_   
_never ever forget/_

-

  
Todd set the pencil down on the wooden table with so much frustration, that it made a noise that made the old librarian twist her head towards them and give them a stern look. Although Todd often came here to study and write, Ms. Potts was still the scariest person he’s ever encountered, with her grayish hair tied up into a tight bun and her lips in an ever-present frown.

Todd gulped and tried to make himself smaller by slouching. “I d-don’t know what to write anymore,” he admitted to Neil in a whisper. “I’m sorry.”

Neil’s face was scrunched in thought. He has been like this for the past hour that they’ve been working on the poem. “Give it to me,” Neil said, holding his hand out to the notebook. Todd immediately handed it to him with an apologetic look.

Normally, writing poems came easily to Todd; it’s just the terrifying idea of having to present it to Neil that affected him so much. He kept thinking about how a line sounded wrong, or how a word didn’t seem appropriate for a particular sentence. He didn’t want to bother Neil so much about what words he should use, because it seemed like such a petty problem, but he didn’t want to present something so half-assed to Neil, either. It wouldn’t be fair to him, considering how hard he was working over his own lines in the poem.

They operated on a system that if one couldn’t write anything anymore, they would pass it to the other person. Now Todd has been staring and writing and erasing at this part for less than ten minutes. It was getting embarrassing.

Todd slumped his head down on the table as quietly as he could so that he could avoid looking at Neil. He wished he had a fast forward button that he could press whenever he wanted to….

"Hey, Todd! Neil!" A voice that was already so familiar to Todd called out to them. Todd raised his head to see Pitts waving at them, with Meeks just behind him. The librarian shushed them, and Todd broke into a smile seeing Meeks and Pitts scared. Neil turned his head to look at them and whisper a quick ‘hi’, but he quickly turned back to scribbling in the notebook.

The duo sat on the empty library chairs next to Todd and Neil. “What are you guys working on? You seem pretty serious about it.” Pitts asked, trying to sneak a glance on the notebook.

"English project. We chose to make a poem instead of an original story." answered Todd.

Meeks had a confused look on his face. “But you’re so good with prose, Todd.”

Todd looked down. He could feel himself blushing at the sudden compliment. “P-poetry’s easier, somehow.”

It appeared that Neil had given up on continuing the poem with the way he set the notebook and the pencil down. “Yeah. And if we chose to write a story, I wouldn’t be of much help to Todd. I suck at prose.”

Pitts made a surprised face. “What? You mean to say you  _aren’t_  great at everything?”

Neil laughed quietly, smacking Pitts on his arm. Meeks and Pitts also laughed. “You’re evil, Gerard Pitts.”

Ms. Potts shushed them again.

"I’m not evil. Ms. Potts, now that’s evil." whispered Pitts. The boys covered their mouths and snickered. "And you know who else is evil? The staff at that new coffee shop we found."

Meeks nodded his head and hummed in agreement. “They were either the dumbest or the most evil baristas I’ve ever come across. Word to the wise: don’t go to Blue Sun if you don’t want your frappucino to be flavored pumpkin if you actually wanted vanilla. I specifically told them no pumpkin because I’m allergic.”

Neil frowned. “Aww, come on you guys. I’m sure it was just a mistake.” Todd nodded along. Maybe the barista was just tired.

"Well, it’s the dumbest mistake." Meeks cut in, his face very serious. "I made it crystal clear: no pumpkin. Imagine if Pitts hadn’t warned me, I would be in a hospital right now. I could’ve died, you know."

Neil then smiled. “What cafe would you recommend, then?”

 _He's probably trying to disarm the bomb that is Steven Meeks,_ Todd thought, but he found himself wanting to learn the answer to that question as well.

Pitts and Meeks shared a look, and they both counted down. “3, 2, 1…”

"Polyester!" Pitts enthusiastically answered.

"Lifehouse!" Meeks exclaimed.

That earned them another shush from the librarian.

Meeks scrunched his nose. “Polyester? The name’s dumb.”

"Well, you only like Lifehouse because they play Lifehouse all day, everyday. And everyone knows you’re a die hard Lifehouse fan." Pitts countered, affronted.

"While it’s true that I am a fan of Lifehouse, that is _not_ the only reason I love the coffee shop. They have great pastries, and the price is not too bad." Meeks had his nose high up in the air as he crossed his arms. "And Polyester’s a dumb name."

"Is not," said Pitts, crossing his arms and pouting. "It’s a respectable kind of fabric and the 1981 movie was a  _great_  movie. And they have the nicest staff ever!”

"You’re only saying that ‘cause you have a crush on Charlene."

Pitts blushed madly. “I do  _not_!”

Neil cleared his throat. “Gentlemen.” Todd was looking down at his hands to keep himself from laughing. He cannot believe these two were fighting over cafes. “Why don’t you tell us about a cafe that you both like?”

It was then that both Pitts and Meeks shared a smile. “Dead Poets Society, no doubt,” Meeks told them. Pitts nodded.

Todd cocked his head curiously at that. What a weird name.

Neil smiled. “Well, I better check that out soon myself, then. What’s so special about this one anyway?”

"Comfy seats, great music, awesome food, because they’re not limited to pastries, and  _then_  the concept of the place is just so creative.” Pitts said with a fond smile on his face. “The walls are actually made with hundreds of books stacked up against each other, so when you go in, it smells like old books. There are also pictures of writers and poets hung up.”

"And the names of their food and drinks are named after literature stuff. I love Congo the best. It’s this black forest type of cake. Not to mention they usually have a good band playing during Saturday nights." Meeks added. "Still, Lifehouse is better."

Pitts sighed and rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, a beeping noise came from Neil. Todd could feel the librarian glaring at them.

"Oops, sorry about that." Neil apologized, rushing to turn off the alarm that was apparently coming from his phone. "Soccer practice…. God. It’s that time already. Okay, I gotta go, guys. Todd, we’ll work on that project later, alright? I’m so sorry. Or would you rather you wait for me at the bleachers…? Maybe I’d get an idea in the water breaks." There was that smile again as Neil hitched his bag up on his shoulder.

"Um, no thanks. I got some other stuff to do too anyway." Todd said, shaking his head slightly.

"Okay then. See you later guys," whispered Neil as he quickly made his way out of the library. Meeks and Pitts waved goodbye in response.

"Oh Todd, I forgot to ask you: are you interested in doing an article about Typhoon Haiyan? It’s really huge right now, and it’s all that I’ve been hearing about on the news." Meeks asked him, pushing his glasses up his nose.

Todd couldn’t have nodded faster. “Sure.” That gave him something to do besides the projects and the studying.

"Come on, guys, we aren’t talking about the important things here." Pitts said with a huge smile on his face. Meeks looked at him quizzically, as if thinking ‘what could be more important than the school paper?’ Todd hid a smile at this thought. "Doesn’t anyone remember that Doctor Who’s 50th anniversary is actually very, very close?"

Meeks obviously only remembered now, because he smacked Pitts’ arm and exclaimed a loud ‘oh my god!’, which made the librarian shush them again. Todd smiled as they started to discuss Matt Smith and David Tennant together in one episode and just how  _awesome_  it would be.  


* * *

  
Dinner was dull, and a little bit scary. It was that time of the year again: SATs and ACTs. This topic made Todd feel antsy because not only did it mean there were tests to take, but because the colleges you'll be applying for will be looking at these things. Todd didn’t even have a single idea on what to do for his essays, but he did know he did shit in his tests the last time he took them in junior year.

Todd hated this topic, but it was all the boys talked about at dinner. He stayed quiet and tried to finish his food as early as he could while the others asked each other what ivy league school they were gonna be applying to.

His parents wanted him to go to Yale and take his pre-law there, so that he can go straight to studying law in the university. They said it would be easier for him. Problem was, Todd didn’t want to study law. His parents and his brother had so much faith in him. It made him feel nauseous.

"You okay, Todd?" Neil asked him in a low whisper, knocking him out of his stupor.

The other students in their table were arguing over whether Harvard or Yale was the best university in the country. Knox and Pitts looked torn while Charlie - who said ‘Yale, obviously’ - and Meeks - who was fighting tooth and nail for Harvard - were decided. Cameron was siding with Meeks, and Charlie was extremely offended about this.

"I thought we were roommates, Cameron!"

"Stop acting like being roommates means we’re friends, Charlie!"

Everyone around them shouted ‘ohh!’ and ‘burn!’.

Todd looked at Neil - he didn’t even realize they were sitting next to each other - and nodded slowly. “Y-yeah. Sorry.” His eyes returned to his carrots and peas.

"You sure? You’ve been extra quiet the whole time."

"I’m okay, Neil. I’m just thinking about… stuff." Todd said. Why couldn’t Neil just keep his nose in his own business?

Neil sighed through his nose and looked down. “Okay, you know what, I’m just gonna finish dinner. You finish yours, and we can do that poem. What do you say?” proposed Neil, making a small smile.

Todd gulped. “Okay.”

"Great. Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Todd didn’t respond anymore and just continued to eat his carrots and peas. It felt too much like a certain John Green novel.  


* * *

  
_remember, remember/_   
_never, ever forget/_

-

_  
Knock, knock._

"We’re busy!" Neil called out. He was wearing his huge glasses while he scribbled on the paper that contained their poem. He looked pretty pensive while he worked. His brown eyes looked so serious with his eyebrows all crunched up above them.

"Busy with what, Perry?" The voice outside the door replied with incredible disbelief. Todd rolled his eyes. It was Charlie. He knew they’d just get disturbed if they worked on the poem here. Well, not that there’s been a lot of progress, really. Todd’s been a shit partner. Seems like the poetry gods weren’t working with him today.

_Knock, knock, knock._

It was more insistent now. “Come on, Neil. You know we don’t like waiting - ow! Knoxious, what the hell?”

"Just open the goddamned door, Neil." A different voice said. Probably Knox.

Neil stood up from his chair with an exasperated sigh and answered the door. Todd slid off from Neil’s bed and sat at the desk beside it and tried to be  _not_  a shit partner by writing at least a few lines.

But it was hard to ignore the conversation Neil was having with the two other guys, especially when Charlie wasn’t being the most quiet person ever.

"Sorry guys, not tonight; I’m working on something right now. I have a project to finish." Todd heard Neil explain to them.

"But you always let us in. Come on, man, I wrote a new piece I want to let you hear." Charlie protested.

"What? Well, let me hear it now."

"It’s long. I think it’s better you listen to it sitting down."

Another sigh. “Look, I really want to go with you guys, but studies first, you know?”

There was a moment of silence, until Knox broke it. “It’s okay, Neil. We get it. And I bet Charlie has tons of projects to catch up on, anyway. Don’t you, Charlie?”

"…Oh.  _Oh_. Yeah. Yeah, I have other stuff to do anyway. Sorry for the intrusion. You guys have fun in there… doing your  _project_. Yeah, okay.” Charlie laughed mirthfully then, and the door was closed.

"Sorry about that." Neil said, walking back to the desk. Todd tried to pretend he didn’t hear the conversation.

He failed. Especially the second before Neil leaned too close to check what he wrote. “You can go let them in, you know? We’re not getting anywhere with this poem, anyway. The deadline’s not even until Friday next week, so we’ve got more than a week left to work on it. So don’t worry.”

"But… you  _hate_  them in here.” Neil reasoned out after five seconds of being surprised.

Todd made a face. “What?  _Me_? Not like _them_? They’re cool, you know? I  _love_  Charlie and Knox!”

Neil’s surprised face broke out into a laugh. “Todd, has anyone ever told you you’re incredibly bad at lying?” He laughed again, and Todd saw those pearly whites again. “Alright, I’ll just go to Charlie’s or Knox’s. They’re probably around somewhere. But I promise - ” Neil positioned his right hand like he was making a pledge, and his left hand went over his heart ” - I’m never letting them in here again without your permission.”

Todd smiled a little. Neil was being stupid. “Okay. Just go already. I have math homework to do.”

"Yessir." Neil made a mock salute, then he broke into a laugh again. Was Todd making a joke? "Bye, Todd. Be back soon, alright?"

The door squeaked open, then closed again. That was actually really considerate of Neil.

Todd didn’t realize he was still smiling as he moved to his own desk, and as he put on his headphones, and as he got his math notebook.

* * *

  
Todd definitely wasn’t smiling anymore by the time Neil was back. It was around 9 PM when Neil left, and Todd was still working on his logarithm homework at 11 PM. Todd had already shoved his headphones off in anger. Why does everything make sense when he was in class, but never when he’s doing homework? Maybe he  _should_  have raised his hand to ask that question earlier.

"Todd? You still doing math?" Neil said as he shrugged off his coat. It was getting colder and colder everyday. They’ll be freezing their asses off when December comes.

Todd nodded miserably. He put his head into his palms and sighed. Why couldn’t he be as good with numbers as he was with words?

"Hmm." Neil hummed and… and  _fuck_. He was too close again. Todd felt his hot breath on his left ear. Neil had one of his hands on the back of the chair, and his other hand rested on the table, just right beside his math notebook. “Here, let me help you with that…”

Before Todd could even open his mouth to protest, Neil then grabbed at the pencil on the other side of the math notebook with his right hand, which meant that he was practically hugging Todd. And Neil was so,  _so_  warm.

Todd didn’t even notice that Neil was already finishing the rest of the math problems for him; he mostly concentrated on trying not to move an inch and to not freak out. 

"…There. All finished." Neil said as he set the pencil down and backed off until he reached his bed and collapsed on it.

Todd stared at his notebook that was now full of Neil’s neat handwriting. ”Hey, thanks, Neil.” He said, while looking at the clock on his phone. It was just 11:20 PM. He finished all that in 20 minutes? 

"No problem," mumbled Neil.

Todd tried to not think about how warm Neil felt against his back as he put his math homework back inside his bag. But it still bugged at him even after he changed into his pajamas and turned out the lights.

"Hey, Todd?" Neil called out. It was so low that Todd wouldn’t be able to hear it were he already asleep. But alas, here he was, wide awake, thinking about warmth and human contact.

"Yeah?" replied Todd after gulping down his thoughts.

"We could try and finish the poem and study this weekend at Dead Poets Society. You remember that?"

The coffee shop Meeks and Pitts mentioned. “Yeah. Yeah, I remember that.”

"So?"

"So what?"

"So do you think we can study there?"

"…Why?"

"So that we don’t get anymore interruptions."

"…Okay."

"Awesome. G' night, Todd."

“‘Night.”

* * *

  
Todd couldn’t really sleep. So he read fanfiction on his phone until he ran out of battery. Then he slept. Or at least tried to. God damn Neil Perry.  


* * *

  
At breakfast, Charlie highfived Neil. Knox winced at the sound of Charlie congratulating Neil - which Todd had no idea what it was about; was it something they did last night? - though he seemed happy for Neil, too.

Todd shrugged it off and continued listening to Meeks and Pitts talking about their Science Club while he ate his cereal.  


* * *

  
Neil caught up with him before they went to their math class. “Hey, hey Todd, sorry. Can I just borrow your math notebook? I was - ” at this point Neil lowered his voice ” - drunk when I came back to our room last night - blame Charlie - and I just wanted to check if I did anything wrong.”

What? He was drunk? Todd gave him his notebook when he realized they’d been staring at each other for more than five seconds already. Other people in the hallways were giving them weird faces. Neil muttered a ‘thanks’ as he went over his handiwork. He probably made that proposal for this weekend under influence. He probably doesn’t even remember anymore.

Neil handed him his notebook back with a smile. “Only a few minor mistakes. Whew.” Neil started to walk inside the room, but then turned back to face Todd. “And don’t think I forgot about this weekend. You’re not worming yourself out of that.”

Todd was smiling as he went in the room after Neil did.  


* * *

  
The week flew by fast. Todd was working his way through the pile of projects and homeworks he’d have to finish, while also trying to study for the SATs this December. He was always too tired to write a decent chapter up by the time he finished for the night, and Neil didn’t attempt to get too close anymore, so he slept like a baby. If you could call 5-6 hours of sleep adequate for a baby.

When Saturday came, Todd was asleep until noon. Neil had to wake him up for lunch. “Hey. Hope you haven’t forgotten about our trip to Dead Poets Society.”

"Oh shit, I’m sorry.  _Oh_   _shit_. It’s noon. Shit.” Todd didn’t even change into his pajamas last night. What the heck. Todd noticed the little chuckle Neil made as he rushed around, gathering his books and his clothes.

"I’ll wait downstairs." Neil said, opening the door. "I got the directions from Meeks and Pitts already, and we’ll just need bicycles to get there."

Todd nodded, and waited for the door to close to change into a red Dr. Pepper shirt. He shrugged himself into black jeans and grabbed a cardigan, as well as a scarf, for good measure. It was probably going to be cold out today.  


* * *

  
They almost got lost while they rode their bicycles to the town nearby Welton Academy. Meeks and Pitts had said the coffee shop was pretty easy to miss, because it was this little place tucked in the middle of an extravagant parlor and a huge house in the far end of the town. But Todd was happy they found it quick enough.

"Isn’t there some kind of school policy where we’re not allowed to go out of the campus?" Todd asked as they locked their bicycles up in front of the small cafe.

"Well, it used to be that school patrons would drive you to wherever you needed to go 50 years ago or something, but Welton’s less strict about that now." Neil said with a smile. "Now, you just have to tell the secretary and you’re all set. People have to be back before 10 PM, though. They close the gates at 10 PM."

Todd rubbed his ears; he should have brought a beanie. It was  _really_  cold out.

A bell rung once Neil opened the door. Pitts was right; it  _did_  smell like old books. Todd found that endearing. Only a few people were there, and the customers were either reading or writing, along with having coffee or bread on their table.

"Good afternoon," greeted the cashier with a smile. Her name tag said ‘Ginny’. "Is there anything I could help you with?" Neil smiled back easily. Todd was still enthralled by the walls that were actually books.

Todd walked over to a picture of Walt Whitman. Beneath him was his poem about Abraham Lincoln. “O captain, my captain,” Todd whispered, tracing the words with a finger as he read them quietly.

"Todd?" Todd’s head snapped up towards Neil and the cashier. "Did you want anything? You haven’t eaten yet."

Todd walked over with a ‘sorry’ on his lips, and chose as quickly as he could. The names were weirdly cool. Juliet was the name for sweet jasmine tea, Romeo was hot chocolate, and Paris was the name of black coffee. There were a lot more others for food and cake and beverages. He saw a sandwich named Hamlet, that, more or less, contained ham, among other ingredients. “Hot chocolate, and, um, chocolate chip pancakes?”

Ginny nodded. “A Romeo and Beowulf. That will be 7.95 for both of your orders.” Todd and Neil split the bill and Todd let Neil choose their place. It was beside a picture of Thoreau.

Todd ate his pancakes while Neil sipped his green tea - which was apparently called Frankenstein's Monster - and went over his notes. They shared a companionable silence, which Todd was thankful for. All that cycling made him hungry and cold.

"Alright," Todd said, setting his mug down. That was the most satisfying breakfast he’d ever had in months. Maybe it was the atmosphere or the amazing skills their chef had, but whatever it was, he felt ready for anything right now. He was even a bit buzzed. "Let’s make that poem."  


* * *

  
_remember, remember/_   
_never ever forget/_

_those who have been drafted/_   
_into fights they barely know about/_   
_into fights they never started/_   
_into fights they’re expected to finish/_

_those who have fought/_   
_in skirmishes and in wars/_   
_in the midst of guns and bombs/_   
_in the name of a better future/_

_remember, remember/_   
_never ever forget/_

_those who were brave enough to perish/_   
_for their freedom and their country/_   
_those who were strong enough to survive/_   
_for their families and their homes/_

_those who died honorably in battle/_   
_for saving their comrades in the progress/_   
_those who commanded these armies/_   
_for without them, chaos would rain upon them/_

_remember, remember/_   
_never, ever forget/_

_the bold, the brave, and the beaten/_   
_the dead, the damned, and the destroyed/_

_because they were brave enough to kill a man/_   
_to shoot a gun, and to swing a fist/_   
_not for fun, god, no/_   
_but for love, and for freedom/_

-

  
"Awesome." Neil enunciated as he read the last lines Todd wrote. "You’re awesome, Todd."

Todd didn’t say anything. He just felt his face heat up, so he looked down to hide his blushing face.

"Now, I should probably help you understand that math homework I did last Monday night. I hate doing homework for other people, especially if I don’t explain it to them. It feels wrong. And not to mention you did great on the poem, so I should probably repay you."

Then the rest of the afternoon went to logarithms. Todd felt like Jasmine and Neil was Aladdin, ‘cause Neil just showed him the world of logarithms. Then Todd realized Jasmine and Aladdin were a romantic couple. He shook his head and listened to Neil instead.

When Todd managed to get five consecutive problems that Neil gave him right, Neil said that they were done for the afternoon. Todd let out a sigh of relief. Then one of his all time favorite bands played on the radio.

"1975!" Neil said as the acoustic version of Sex rolled in.

"You know this band?" Todd asked him.

"Yeah, of course." Neil replied with a smirk. "I suppose you like their song Chocolate the best, though. What with you and your sweet tooth."

"Okay, first of all." Todd cleared his throat. "You got that right, I do like Chocolate the best. Second of all, yes, I have a huge sweet tooth. You psychic. And third, I think that’s just a huge coincidence. Those two things aren’t even related in any way, except for the names."

Then Neil talked, and Todd listened. Then Todd talked again, and Neil was an amazing listener. Todd didn’t even notice it was getting dark outside until Neil’s watch beeped.

"6 PM." Neil stated. "Now, I don’t know about you, but I just brought enough money for lunch and tea."

Todd smiled. “Yeah, me too. We should head back.”

Todd took out his cellphone as they made their way out of the coffee shop to check on his notifications, which were e-mails from AO3 alerting him that people were commenting on  _Count the Empires_. Crap. He still has to work on the next chapter. He hasn’t updated for like a week now.

"Hey, I never noticed, but I don’t have your number." Neil said as he unlocked his bike. Neil’s cheekbones were more pronounced under the orange light of the street lamp. Todd felt his cheeks warm up as they exchanged numbers in the cold. "We should probably go back now."

Todd nodded; he’s bound to be cold and hungry by the time they got back to Welton. But he’ll probably still carry the feeling he had from Dead Poets Society. After all, Neil was going home with him.

* * *

  
Todd managed to squeeze in some time to write up the article for Typhoon Haiyan after breakfast and before lunch that Sunday. He thought he was going to dedicate his afternoon to completing projects or studying for the SATs again, but given that he just spent the whole week studying, he figured he could accept Neil’s invitation to go watch one of his soccer practices. And he could write that new chapter later that evening.

The invitation was in the form of a text this time around. Todd died a little when he saw Neil’s name on his notifications. ‘You doin anythin this afternoon? Im at the soccer field. No payment needed to come watch’

'I'll watch.'

'Awesome. Ill be waiting for you'

He sent his work to Meeks’ e-mail and grabbed his coat before he went out.

It turns out Neil was really good. He was quick and alert, and was also really skilled with the soccer ball. Todd sat himself at the bleachers and waved hi to anyone who waved hi at him.

It also turned out that Charlie and Knox were actually nice. They went to talk to him if they were given a break and asked him about things that didn’t make him uncomfortable. Knox told him that the blond girl that always came over was his girlfriend, Chris Noel. And Charlie was a bit of a womanizer who didn’t exactly remember the names of the people he previously brought in.

"I refuse to be called a womanizer, Knoxious. It’s insulting. I’m actually pansexual, you know?"

And Todd couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw who the highly acclaimed soccer coach was. “Mr. Keating,” greeted Todd when the English teacher slash soccer coach made his way over to the bleachers.

The older man nodded his head at him with a smile. “Mr. Anderson. Pleasant afternoon to you. I hope you’re not having troubles with the project I gave?”

Todd smiled back. “No, sir. In fact, we’re finished.”

"Finished!" Mr. Keating looked happily surprised. "Well then, I’ll be expecting it tomorrow in my class." Mr. Keating clapped his hand on Todd’s shoulder before he went back to the field.

Neil waved at Todd before he made an amazing kick. The ball went straight into the net. The goalie had no chance.

Todd raised his arms and smiled widely in response. “Woo!” He shouted. Perhaps too loudly, because Neil, Knox, and Charlie laughed. But he didn’t care. That was an awesome goal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a hecking long chapter. After a long hiatus (which I am terribly sorry for), thought you guys might enjoy a long chapter. Frick. I’m so proud. And so tired. And I still need a beta. Come talk to me on my twitter or maybe my tumblr. Please.


	5. Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT (5/30/14): I highly recommend listening to the songs given in the chapter! Just so you'd get the feel of the scene. But if not, that's alright, too. Buuut the songs are pretty awesome. So.

Todd’s hands were painstakingly sweaty. It disgusted him, but no matter how much he tried to dry them on his uniform, they still wouldn’t stop sweating. He couldn’t help it; he was so nervous. It was weird how his throat would go dry when he felt anxious while his hands sweated.

He was standing in front of Mr. Keating’s quarters after class hours, with five envelopes in one hand and a stack of recommendation papers in the other. Oh, if only they didn't require recommendation letters for college.... His life would be considerably easier. The others had already passed theirs to their selected teachers. He had been postponing this for as long as he could, but Todd could only postpone it for so long. Deadlines were still deadlines, after all.

Of course, Mr. Keating wasn’t the only teacher he asked to fill up his recommendation letters for him. The other stack went to Mr. Andrews, his former English teacher. The man was probably the only thing closest to a friend he had at his previous school. He had already sent the papers a week earlier, since it was easier to ask for a favor through a letter.

Asking for a favor such as this in person was a different story entirely, especially for Todd Anderson.

 _What if Mr. Keating says no? There’s always that possibility. Then I’d have to find another teacher, which would be near impossible, since no other teacher likes me. Mr. Keating is_ literally _the only other teacher I can ask. Holy crap. If Mr. Keating says no, I wouldn’t have two teachers for my recommendation letters, and one isn't enough for the colleges._ Todd put his forehead against the wall beside Mr. Keating’s door and groaned audibly.  _This is it. I’m not gonna pass any university. My family will hate me, and I’ll be a washed up writer who works at a shitty diner as a cashier and/or a waiter for a minimum wage. I would have to sell my laptop to afford rent. Nobody will ever love me and I’ll die alone with a lot of dogs. I’ll be featured on one of those animal addiction TV shows. No. Scratch that. I probably won’t even have dogs, because I’ll be too poor to even afford to feed them. ...But I’ll probably crave love and care so I’ll_ still _get dogs from the pound even though I know I can’t afford to feed them. Oh god. I’ll be surrounded with dead dogs when I die -_

“Mr. Anderson?” Todd looked up with his eyes wide and his mouth agape. It was Mr. Keating. Todd dropped the papers in his hands in shock. The door seems to have opened in the middle of his inner monologue. There was even classical music coming from inside the teacher’s room. How could he have not noticed?

Todd immediately bent down to retrieve his papers, apologizing profusely. His stuttering got worse by the second. By the time he had finished getting all the papers from the ground, Todd was surprised to see Mr. Keating examining one of them.

“So I assume you came here to ask me to fill these up for your college applications?” Mr. Keating asked Todd, gesturing towards the papers in his hands.

Todd only nodded, unable to find his voice.

“You’re late, Mr. Anderson. The others have already submitted theirs to me a few weeks ago.” Mr. Keating said sternly. Todd looked down. “I thought you gave yours to other teachers, but I’m quite pleased to see that you like me enough to give them to me. Now, may I take the rest of your papers?”

Todd’s eyes widened once again. He quickly handed the stack to the eager teacher after a beat. “T-Thank you, Mr. Keating.” He said gratefully. It felt like half of his problems just disappeared.

“No, thank  _you_ , Mr. Anderson, for giving me this opportunity. Now, if you would excuse me, I’ve got some recommendation papers to fill up.” Mr. Keating winked at him and closed the door. Todd stood in front of it for a few more minutes. He could just  _shout_ right there and then.

Todd had a little skip in his walk as he made his way back to his room. He had a chance of not dying alone amongst dead dogs, after all. This was probably the best he’s ever felt on a Wednesday afternoon.

His joy was justified, however. What with the quarterly tests over and the projects passed, who  _wouldn’t_  be happy? Not to mention that the school week ended early because of Thanksgiving tomorrow. Everybody was going home for the holiday.

The teachers were more forgiving when it came to classwork. Most of them were even nice enough to not give them homework for the break. Of course, there was always their math teacher, so he still had logarithms to battle once he got home.

A familiar voice calling his name snapped him out of his stupor. It was a faraway Gerard Pitts, waving goodbye. He was with his father, but he really couldn’t be sure.

Todd smiled and waved back. “Happy Thanksgiving!” He called out. He joined in a ‘Mr. Pitts’ at the end, just to be safe.

“You too!” Then off they went.

Todd resumed walking to his room. He encountered more of his classmates leaving with their parents on his way back. He even got introduced to Meeks’s mother by Meeks himself. He saw Charlie talking with Neil at the end of hall. Whoever was supposed to pick them up probably hasn't arrived yet, just like his parents.

Just as Todd reached for the doorknob of his room, his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was most likely just his parents telling him to get ready to leave. He opened the door as he looked at his phone. The name on the screen confirmed his suspicions. “Mom?” He greeted once he put the phone to his right ear.

“Todd? We won’t be able to pick you up for Thanksgiving, honey.” His mom said, her voice soft and apologetic.

Todd didn’t know how much he wanted to go home until he heard those words. “What? Why?” He asked, frowning as he closed the door behind him.

“The car broke down,” His mother answered. “I’m always telling your father that we have to replace that old piece of junk already, and he never listens. I think it’s permanent this time.”

Todd kicked off his shoes and threw himself on his bed, staring at the X-Men as they looked back at him. Funny. It almost seemed like they pitied him. “How about Jeff? Can’t  _he_  pick me up?” He asked.

“Oh, didn’t Jeff tell you already? He’s not coming home for Thanksgiving. He’s busy with his college stuff up at Yale. Or so he said.” His mother told him. “Anyways, I’m so sorry we won’t be able to celebrate Thanksgiving together this year, honey.”

“No, it’s okay, mom.” Todd said. The lie tasted sour in his mouth.

“Thanks for understanding, hon. We already sent you money through the mail. Don’t forget to pick it up, okay, darling? I promise we’ll spend Christmas together. Happy Thanksgiving, dear.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, mom.” replied Todd. Then the line went dead.

Todd let out a huge sigh, taking his eyes off of the poster. Great. He was going to be that weird kid that didn’t go home during the holidays.  _Goodbye, Halo 4._

The door creaked open. Todd didn’t have to lift his head up to know who it was.

“Your parents not here yet?” Neil asked. Todd sighed long and hard before answering. He closed his eyes.

“They’re not coming.” The words came out clipped and bitter.

“Oh.”

“Oh.”

“Well,” A sigh came from Neil. “It’d be nice to have some company during Thanksgiving for the first time in four years.”

Todd’s eyes opened. Neil was sitting at his own bed, grinning at him. “What do you mean?” asked Todd, sitting up.

“I don’t go home during Thanksgiving. I only go home during Christmas and Easter break.” Neil explained. “So I guess this’ll be the first year I’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving with someone other than the janitors.”

Todd couldn’t help but laugh. “Are you serious?”

“What, you think this is some sick joke?” Neil asked, offended.

Todd barked out a laugh. “No! Sorry. I just thought… I thought I’d be alone.”

“Well, you’re not.” Neil said, his face softening. He stood up. “I don’t know about you, but I could use a trip to Dead Poets.”

“It’s like you read my mind.” Todd replied, already heading to his closet.

 

* * *

 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Neil called out, slowing his bike down to a stop in front of a Western Union branch. Todd pedaled his bicycle to the light post where Neil padlocked his own. Todd’s face must’ve looked like a question mark, because Neil started to explain himself. “I’ve got to get the money my parents sent me.”

“Oh! Yeah, yeah, me too. I almost forgot.” Todd said, following Neil inside the building. While waiting for his turn at the counter, Todd felt his phone vibrate twice in his coat. He fished it out and saw two notifications. One was a message from his mother, and the other was a message from his brother. He opened his mother’s first. It was just the number needed to get his money, along with a ‘Love u!’ at the end of the message.

Todd opened his brother’s message reluctantly. He was quite upset with him. Todd was upset that he was upset with him. It made him feel like a little child who was throwing a tantrum because he couldn’t get what he wanted.

‘Yo little bro. Happy thanksgiving. Im sorry i couldnt go home for thanksgiving. I promise to give u something extra when xmas comes. I know how u hate bein alone with mom n dad’ The message read. Todd took off his gloves before replying.

‘It’s okay.’ Todd typed. ‘You don’t have to give me anything. I’m sorry you can’t go home, too. I’m sorry BOTH of us can’t go home. College must be a real hassle, huh?’

Todd didn’t have to wait too long before a reply came. ‘What????? Why??????? Werent mom n dad gonna pick u up?’

‘Nah. The old car broke down. Again.’

‘Dad needs to let go of that. Its older than him’

Todd didn’t bother to reply anymore. It was his turn at the counter already, anyway.

 

* * *

 

When they turned a corner to arrive at the street where Dead Poets Society was, Todd was surprised at the amount of people that were around the place. The street had around a hundred people, particularly in front of the café. A hundred was a lot compared to the usual ten the coffee shop served.

 _There goes our peaceful evening,_ Todd taught with a frown, stopping the bike by putting his foot on the ground.

“Crap.” muttered Neil beside him. “What do you think’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Todd replied, his eyes still on the swarm of people. “Do you think someone got killed?”

“Then there’d be police cars instead of these ones.” Neil said, nodding to the multitude of cars and motorcycles parked along the street. Fat chance they’d get a decent place to lock their bicycles in near the coffee shop. Todd hummed disapprovingly.

“I guess we’re about to find out, though.” Neil pointed out to a brunette who was in her usual barista uniform: black shirt, black skirt, and black apron. She wasn’t in her usual place, which was  _inside_  the café. “Ginny!” He called out as they got closer to the steady hum of the crowd. “Ginny!”

They discovered the week before that Ginny was actually a student of Welton’s sister school, Henley Hall. She went to work right after their classes ended. They learned all of this on one slow afternoon after classes, when Neil saw her reading a Biology textbook and dared – “No, I  _double_  dare you,” – Todd to ask her about it. Todd gave in, but only after he convinced Neil to pay for his next cup of hot chocolate. Thankfully, Ginny didn’t think of Todd as some creep. In fact, she was even grateful that he asked about her Biology book because reading it was getting boring. Ginny was witty and had almost the exact same taste in bands as Todd did. And when Ginny learned that Neil was actually  _the_  Neil Perry, she said, ‘My friend is  _obsessed_  with you. Guess she has a reason to be.’ Needless to say, the three were friendlier with each other since.

When Ginny turned around, she looked stressed. She was holding a tray with four drinks in four heavy looking mugs. “Guys! Hi!” She greeted with a smile.

“Hey Ginny,” said the duo in unison.

“What’s up?” Neil questioned, motioning to the crowd, while Todd tried to look inside the café. It was packed.

“Well. There are a few bands playing for Thanksgiving Eve, so naturally, there’s a crowd.” Ginny explained, giving a mug to a man asking for his drink.

“Local bands have  _this_  much fans?” Todd asked incredulously, turning his gaze back to the girl.

“One of the bands is not just any local band, okay? And, well, it’s more of a one-man band. Well, I say ‘one- _man_ …’ Meredith Godreau is here.” Ginny said proudly, looking expectant.

“Meredith who?” Neil asked after ten seconds of silence. Todd looked confused.

Ginny seemed offended. “You mean you don’t know Gregory and The Hawk? Todd, I’m especially disappointed in you.”

Then something clicked in Todd’s eyes. “Wait. Gregory and The Hawk? You mean,” Todd cleared his throat. “‘If you’ll be my star –’”

“‘I’ll be your sky,’” continued Ginny, the huge smile now back in her face. Todd could barely contain his joy and proceeded to sing the rest of the line with the girl.

“‘You can hide underneath me and come out at night!’” The last word came as more of a shout from both of them. Ginny squealed. (Todd almost did, too. He was squealing internally. Did that count?)

“Exactly!” Ginny said, approval in her eyes.

“How did you guys even get Gregory and The Hawk?” Todd asked a little too eagerly.

“It’s a long story –” A couple came by and asked for their drinks. Ginny handed it to them, checking their receipts. “And I think –” Then another woman came and asked for her drink. Ginny smiled at her as she put a check mark on her receipt. Ginny motioned for them to follow her. “I think I can tell you guys that afterwards. The show’s starting in fifteen minutes and I’m sure the crowd’s gonna thicken some more, _and_ I should be working.” She led them to an alley and told them they could padlock their bikes on the pipes beside the door to the café’s kitchen. “And shouldn’t you guys be home for Thanksgiving?”

“Shouldn’t  _you_?” Neil shot back easily with a challenging smile.

Ginny narrowed her eyes at him before answering. “Touché, Mr. Perry. Now come on,” She then opened the door and gestured for them to come in. The kitchen immediately warmed Todd up. “I saved a table for the staff, but it seems like no one’s gonna be resting for a while. It’s not your usual place and it’s far away from the stage, but it’s something.”

The brunette navigated both of them to the table that was just right beside the counter and against the wall made of books. Sylvia Plath stared back at them. The chairs and the tables had various bags on it. Both of the boys offered to help to move them, but Ginny laughed them off. She easily lifted all of them all the way behind the counter, which could only mean that those bags were empty. Todd could only shake his head and chuckle. “Okay, gentlemen. I guess you’ll be having the usual?”

“Oh no, jasmine tea for me, this time.” said Neil as he took the place closer to the increasing crowd.

Todd looked at him gratefully as he sat on the one nearest to the counter. “Usual for me.”

“A Romeo and a Juliet. How romantic.” Ginny winked at both of them and laughed when she managed to make Todd blush. “I gotta dash. See you in a few, maybe. I don’t know. Let’s see how it goes.” And with that, she was gone.

Todd inhaled the place in. He could no longer smell the old books. All that was left was sweat, coffee, and the occasional whiff of body odor. It was amazing that the smell of coffee can still overpower the stink. There was a cheer from where the stage was, and Todd could only guess that the first band was already setting up.

Todd looked over to Neil to ask him something, but the question was gone once he saw him looking right back at him with a knowing grin on his face. Todd tried to make his face look like a question mark again.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Neil said nonchalantly, leaning back on the wall and turning to the direction of the stage. “It’s just that I can see your raging boner all the way from outer space.”

“Sorry,  _what?_ ” Todd asked, a shocked look on his face.

“I said –”

“No! No, I heard what you said, Neil. She’s  _not_  my type, okay? She’s cool, but she’s not my type.”

“Yeah, right,” Neil scoffed. “I’m basically non-existent when you two talk about bands. And earlier, you even had a duet. You had this gooey look on your face. It was so sweet I’m surprised your teeth aren’t rotting.”

Todd rolled his eyes at him. “Probably everyone here knows that song. And I told you: she’s  _not_  my type.”

“Oh really?” Neil then sat forward and leaned towards him. Todd quickly looked away from his brown eyes that, Todd swears, could swallow him alive. “What’s your type then?”

But before he could answer, a chef rapped on the metal counter. “You guys Todd and Neil?” asked the lanky man.

“That’s us.” Neil said, smiling at the man. Both of them reached for their money and paid him. Todd carried their mugs from the counter and onto their table. The blond boy quickly removed his gloves and closed his eyes while he gulped in the warm drink. At that moment, he was thankful for all the gods above for making this the tastiest chocolate drink he’s ever had in a long while.

Todd was about to say something about how the hot chocolate tastes especially exceptional this late afternoon, but the words died in his mouth when he saw Neil enjoying his own cup of tea. His eyes were clenched tight, and his Adam’s apple was bobbing up and down his throat. His eyes were still closed when he put the cup away from his lips. A little smile was on his face.

“Damn, that’s some good tea.” commented Neil, finally opening his eyes to set down the mug on the table. Todd gulped and licked his suddenly dry lips. He tore his eyes away from Neil’s inquisitive ones. “Or maybe it’s the cold outside that’s talking.”

“It’s-It probably is.” Todd said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He loosened the scarf around his neck. He tried to say more, but he was afraid he might stutter again.

“So,” Neil started. “You haven’t told me what your type is yet.”

“Why-why would you even want to know?” Todd asked, avoiding looking at Neil.

“Because!” answered Neil.

“Because what?”

“Because we’re roommates, and roommates tell each other things.”

“ _Right_.” replied Todd sarcastically.

“Because you say Ginny’s not your type, and she’s a really pretty girl who’s easily everyone’s type.”

“So what you’re trying to say here is that Ginny’s  _your_  type, is that it? You don’t need to ask permission from me to make a move on her, you know.” Todd said, trying to not be too affected by the idea. Wait, he was  _affected_? He reached for his mug and drank some more.

“No! I’m trying to get to know you more, Todd. Who knows, maybe a pair of girls hit us up later on and I have to know who you’re going for, you know what I mean? Otherwise, there’d be the possibility of us going for the same girl, and I’m not big on threesomes.”

Todd spit some of the chocolate out of his mouth, while choking on the remaining in his mouth. Todd beat his chest with a fist and coughed repeatedly. “Oh my god, are you alright?” Neil asked him worriedly, handing him tissues, which Todd desperately grasped at.

After his coughing fit, Todd set his forehead on the table. “I seriously thought I was gonna die.” He weakly muttered out. “God damn it, Neil.”

“I’m so sorry.” Todd raised his head and threw Neil a suspicious look.

“If you’re so sorry, you wouldn’t look like you’re about to laugh.”

Neil burst out laughing. The lights began to dim when the first band started introducing themselves. Todd barely heard their name because of Neil. A few people around them threw them a few dirty looks. Todd shrunk in his seat. “Neil, stop that.” He hissed.

Neil was still chuckling when he wiped the tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry, but I had no idea you would have such a violent reaction when you heard the word ‘threesomes.’” His shoulders started shaking again when the band started playing their first song. They were using a ukulele, and Todd hasn’t ever heard it before. “I guess being friends with Charlie has its disadvantages. …Wait, I know this song.”

“Yeah?” Todd watched as Neil started tapping his fingers on the table according to the music.

“Yeah! Bonfires, by Rosie and Me. Originally, a girl sings it, but they’re doing a pretty good rendition of it.” Neil turned his head back towards Todd with a huge smile. “See, you’re not the only one who knows cool music.”

“I never said that you didn’t know cool music,” Todd said, sitting back against the wall as he heard the crowd starting to clap to the tune.

“Hey, you wanna go upfront?” Neil asked suddenly. He was already standing up.

“Are you crazy? This table will be gone the second both of us stand up.” Todd said, crossing his arms.

“Then let’s just leave our coats here! Come on, Todd,” Neil said, holding out his hand. He started singing along to the lyrics. “‘Dance, dance! Shuffle your feet with me,’” Then he started to shake his hips, and Todd couldn’t help but laugh and take his hand. Neil began to guide him through the thick crowd.

“The table - !” Todd said, squeezing Neil’s hand as he looked back at Sylvia Plath. Then Neil’s hand pulled him forward, and when Todd turned to look, he was met with Neil’s face.

“Screw the table.” whispered Neil, looking straight into Todd’s eyes. He pulled away with a laugh on his lips when Todd nodded minutely.

Todd was glad he didn’t have claustrophobia, because the standing room was tightly packed. Most of the crowd even began swaying to the music. It made it harder for Todd to hold on to Neil’s hand.

“Dance,” Neil called back to him. “It’ll help, I promise!”

Todd pulled a face, but then the swaying bodies started to crush him. Todd clutched Neil’s hand tighter and danced. Well, it was actually more of shaking his limbs rather than dancing. He never really knew how to dance. He shook his body side to side, to and fro, just to make a way for himself. At one point, he had to let go of Neil’s hand. He was thankful the music was easy to dance, or rather shake, to.

They basically spent the whole song dancing their way to the front, and when it ended, they were already front of the stage, barely three feet away from the band itself.

“That was Bonfires by Rosie and Me,” The singer said into the microphone, and the whole crowd cheered. Neil looked pointedly at Todd as if to say ‘I told you so.’ “Thank you, thank you. So glad you guys liked it. Next song is called She’s Got You High by Mumm Ra.” He then pulled back and nodded at his bandmates. With the strumming of the lead guitar, the lyrics smoothly rolled in.

An arm around his neck brought Todd back down to earth. “I know this song too! This band is great. We gotta get their name later,” said Neil, nearly shouting because the music was louder now that they were so close to the speakers. Todd nodded and turned back to the magic happening on the stage. This band  _really_  was great.

One more song and a greatly impressed Neil later, the band finally started to say goodbye. “That’s all from us, folks. Hope you cool cats enjoy the rest of your Thanksgiving Eve.” All the members then waved goodbye as they exited the stage, and once again, the crowd cheered. Todd joined in, too.

Another band came onstage and introduced their selves. Neil and Todd held a competition as to how many songs they knew. Whoever knew more by the end of the night wins and gets to ask the other person to do anything they wanted them to. Bluffing was to be penalized by giving the other a dollar per bluff.

By the time Gregory and The Hawk came onstage, Neil was winning by two points. Todd couldn’t believe it. But Todd got at least five extra dollars in his pocket, so he still felt pretty lucky.

“I’m gonna win this, Anderson.” Neil taunted him cockily. “Just give up before you even lose.”

“Hold your horses, Perry.” Todd shot back. “You don’t even know Gregory and The Hawk. You’re gonna get smashed.”

Three songs later, Neil Perry  _did_  get smashed. He lost by a point.

“Damn it! I wanted to make you say what your type was,” Neil said, obviously upset about his loss.

Todd smirked. “Then that’s exactly what I want. Neil Perry, I want you to never ask me about my type is ever again. Alright?”

“Alright,” Neil agreed glumly, folding his arms as they walked back to the counter. It was easier, now that the crowd began to thin out.

“Aww, don’t pout. I’ll treat you to dinner with my new five bucks.” Todd checked his phone by force of habit, and saw the time. “Crap. Neil, do you think we could just go through a McDonald’s drive-thru?”

“What? Why?” asked Neil, a quizzical look on his face. “You’re not gonna treat me to some fast food chain, are you? It’s going to take more than some nuggets to soothe a loser’s ego.”

“Neil, it’s already 9:40 PM.”

It took less than a second for Neil to move. They bid a quick goodbye to Ginny and rode their bicycles as fast as they could through the streets of the town. They made a quick stop at McDonald’s, and zoomed to Welton. They barely even made it. The guard was already starting to close the gates when they caught sight of it.

Todd’s legs felt sore by the time he crashed on his bed. “That was the most extreme cycling I’ve ever done in my whole life,” He groaned.

Meanwhile, Neil was checking the paper bags. “I thought we doomed the coke float for sure, but surprise surprise! They’re still intact. Come on, Todd, time for dinner.”

“Don’t wanna,” moaned Todd, still face down on his pillow.

“Suit yourself.” Neil said. Todd was surprised he gave up so early. He didn’t know whether to be relieved or scared. “I’m going to enjoy my nuggets and fries. Hmm. Your chicken smells really tasty, though. I’m sure you don’t mind me eating it? I mean, you  _did_  say you didn’t want to eat dinner….”

Todd picked himself up from his bed and glared at Neil. “Don’t. You. Dare.”

“Ah, I knew you’d come around.” Neil said, a mirthful smile on his lips. “Say, do you have any movies on that laptop?”

Todd pursed his lips in thought. “Not a lot that I think you’d like, but I have a few series in mind….”

They then proceeded to eat on the floor after changing to more comfortable clothes. With the laptop propped up on two pillows, they watched Game of Thrones until Neil began to fall asleep on Todd’s shoulder around 3 AM.

Todd shook Neil until he roused for a bit. “Neil, can you please at least crawl to your bed? You weigh a lot more than me.”

Neil slapped his hand away. “I am Khaleesi,” mumbled the half-asleep boy. Todd held his giggles in. “Touch me, no hands for you.”

“Alright, Khaleesi.” replied Todd, playing along, albeit laughing while doing so. “May I assist you to your tent?”

Neil held his hand out. “You may.” Todd helped carry him to his bed, and put a blanket over him. Todd hovered over Neil uncertainly.

“Khaleesi, if you still wanted to know about my type, I just wanted you to know that I like boys.”

“That’s very nice, Ser Jorah.”

“I especially like huge eyes and defined cheekbones. And also, nice teeth. But who doesn’t like nice teeth, am I right?”

“Right,” mumbled Neil. Todd shook his head with a smile.

Todd cleaned up after their mess and put his laptop on sleep, as always. Then, facing Neil, he himself went to sleep.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the weekend was dedicated to doing the math homework and studying for the SATs and the ACTs that upcoming December, as well as to watching Game of Thrones while they ate turkey from the dining hall. (Also, to very little soccer playing*, when Neil managed to persuade Todd into doing it.)

*Very little, as in half an hour of soccer. Todd gave up immediately and decided to just watch the clouds. Neil just laughed at him and joined in. They chatted the rest of the Saturday afternoon away.

And a small portion of Sunday night, when the others started to come back, was dedicated to Todd Anderson realizing he has ultimately fallen for  _the_  Neil Perry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought I'd write a longer chapter than the last one, but it seems that I, in fact, did. It's not longer by much, just by a hundred words. But. Still. 5k is a really big deal for me. (Psst, I'm still in need of a beta of my own. Just polish my sentences and grammar mistakes. PLEASE.)


	6. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. This is incredibly overdue. Sorry about that. But here it is. Something came up with my beta, so all mistakes are mine!

File Name: Chapter 8: Unknown Variables

Filed under: C:\Users\Todd Anderson\Documents\Fanfiction\Count the Empires\

Erik Lehnsherr wasn’t the type to fall in love. Even he himself knew that. Of all the pain he’s felt about being in love with a person, he’s not certain he’d be willing to go through that once again. Feelings made him do things, made him feel out of control. He didn’t like that, being out of control. And now that he’s killed the bastard Sebastian Shaw, the man who played with his emotions like they were nothing, things have been in control. He’d kept his feelings in check. He was finally feeling some semblance of peace.

It has been several weeks since Cuba. It has been several weeks since he resisted the urge to put on Shaw’s head gear, several weeks since he resisted the urge to kill the men on those battleships, several weeks since he resisted the urge to go against Charles Xavier’s wishes for peace. And it’s been good. So far, so good.

 “You should be thankful that they’re not planning to kill us, you know,” Charles told him one evening during chess. His lips were curled in thought. It was his turn.

“And how do you even know that?” Erik retorted while trying, and failing, to not stare at his mouth. “You read their minds in Cuba, Charles. They were terrified of us. They were going to shower us with bombs until we were buried under the sand.”

Charles only gave him a look a mother would give her petulant child as he moved his queen. “Checkmate.”

Erik lost that night.

“I’m still glad that you came through,” Charles said as they cleaned up the chessboard. “At the beach. I don’t know what made you put down the bombs, but I’m glad that you did.”

Erik said nothing, and thought of everything. It was the question he had been asking himself since Cuba: just _what_ did make him drop those bombs into the ocean?

“Erik.” Charles touched his wrist and gripped it tightly. “I want to make sure what I’m saying is getting through to you. So listen.” So Erik stopped messing with the chess pieces and listened. “Thank you, Erik. You’ve saved a thousand lives, including mine.”

Erik glanced at Charles, then at the hand on his wrist. Erik twisted his hand to grip Charles’s wrist, too. The way Charles was looking at him… it seemed like he was so proud of him. It made something in Erik’s chest feel alive. He was so close, too. He could easily reach out, grab his face, and –

He held Charles’s wrist one last time, stood up, and let go, because Erik Lehnsherr wasn’t the type to fall in love.  


* * *

  
“Todd?” Fingers snapped in front of his face, blocking his view of his laptop. He looked up to see Meeks. “I know you’re writing, but your washing machine’s been beeping for forever.”

Todd shook his head minutely, trying to snap out of the universe he was so engulfed in. He was in the school’s laundromat along with Meeks and Pitts, as he always was every other week on Sunday morning. Right. He stood up and put his laptop down on his seat to gather his clothes from the machine behind him.

“I’m so glad we have the place all to ourselves,” mused Pitts, tuning the radio to another station once the music stopped playing and the disk jockeys started talking. “It’s kind of weird if you think about it, though.”

“The others are probably sleeping in.” Knox, whom Todd didn’t even notice arriving, said, chucking his white clothes into an empty machine. He paused and held up boxers that had patterns of sharks on them. The sharks had sunglasses on. “Goddamnit, how does Charlie even put his own boxers in my own laundry? He always does this so that I could wash his clothes for him. Dick.”

The other boys laughed at that. The radio finally stopped at a station that was famous for playing old songs during Sundays.

_Some people like to rock, some people like to roll,_   
_But movin' and a-groovin's gonna satisfy my soul!_   
_Let's have a party! Ooh, let's have a party!_

“I love this song!” Meeks exclaimed. Pitts stood up and, quite comically, took Meeks’ hand. They both then danced wildly. Knox started hollering and clapping. Todd thought that Welton students were wholly lucky that they were allowed to possess a radio, and furthermore, blare loud music from it on Sunday mornings.

“What are you guys doing? Don’t you know you’re not supposed to play that so loudly?” A voice asked incredulously from the doorway. Todd’s chest tightened, fearing that it was Dr. Hager, or worse, Mr. Nolan. But it was only Cameron. Not that he was any less worse. Richard Cameron, as Todd only recently learned, was a prefect.

But it seemed that the other boys were not at all fazed. Meeks and Pitts shimmied towards him. “No, no, no,” protested Cameron, holding his basket of laundry in front of him, as if to defend himself with it. “I will not join your dance parade-!” Knox wolf-whistled when Meeks and Pitts dragged Cameron into their own dance duo, making it a trio. Cameron’s clothes were now strewn across the floor. Wait; was that a pair of boxers with Native American headdress patterns?

Cameron lay down on the floor once the song ended, lying on the pile of his own clothes. “I am _never_ doing that again,” sighed he.

“Oh, Cameron,” Pitts clucked his tongue, looking down at the prefect. “If that makes you sleep easier at night.”

“That was ‘Let’s Have A Party’ by Wanda Jackson!” crowed the disk jockey from the radio. Meeks moved towards it to change the station. “This next song is a request by Charlie Dalton,” announced the man on the radio cheerfully. Meeks stopped in his tracks and the boys looked at each other quizzically. “He was on the line earlier, and wanted me to say these following words, ‘Ho ho ho! Christmas is nigh, time to get high.’ Those words sound suspicious, listeners, I know, but this kid is one nice kid, I can assure you. Now I bring you his request, ‘Jingle Bell Rock’.”

 _Jingle Bell Rock_ rolled in smoothly. The boys were still shocked. As if on cue, Charlie appeared at the doorway, donning a Santa hat and a fake beard. It looked weird with his white t-shirt and his bright yellow boxers that had a pattern of green hearts. Before the boys could ask him about the mention of his name on national radio and furthermore, why the man referred to him as a ‘nice kid’ when all of them knew he generally _wasn’t,_ Charlie opened his mouth. “I have planned a great thing for us all. Guess what it is.”

“I do _not_ want to get high, Charlie,” Cameron said, shaking a shirt with his fist. He was already starting to pick up the fallen clothes. “And you know wearing your boxers around school isn’t allowed.”

“Cameron! An unexpected participant, but okay, we can accept you into our little society.” Charlie said, combing his fake beard thoughtfully. Cameron just shook his head. “Wait, where’s Perry?”

Todd didn’t expect for all of them to turn and look at him. He started to say that he didn’t know where Neil was, that he’s not Neil’s keeper anyway, so what the hell are you all looking at, but he knew. He knew exactly where Neil Perry was. He mentally smacked himself over the head for knowing. “He’s-he’s jogging,” He offered weakly, while the classic Christmas carol continued playing in the background. Neil always jogged in the mornings when they didn’t have classes, even if the soccer season ended just before Thanksgiving. They still had this friendly game with the local high school, Ridgeway, next week, though Todd wasn’t sure. He didn’t really keep up with sports.

Charlie hummed. “Well, we’ll have to proceed without him, then. Todd, you can relay the message to him, yeah?” Even without Todd’s approval, Charlie started to talk, but is interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head around and smiled widely. “Ah, Neil, my boy! We were just talking about you. Come here. You’re just in time to hear my Christmas plans.”

But Todd couldn’t listen to Charlie’s Christmas plans. All he could concentrate on was Neil and how pink and sweaty his face was. He smiled at him with his huge eyes and said ‘hi, Todd.’ Neil carelessly turned his basket full of dirty clothes upside down, and they went straight into the machine.

Neil started to take off his gray sweater, along with the white shirt underneath. Todd shook his head again and looked towards his basket full of clean clothes instead. “Yes. Uh. I meant – I meant hello. Hello, Neil.”

Wow, he barely survived that sentence. It’s mostly been like this since he acknowledged his feelings for Neil. It was a pain in the ass, and he wished so bad that he hadn’t done that. He hasn’t even told anyone yet and it was already _killing_ him. He tried to concentrate on Charlie’s plans.

“The wish list will be put in our bedroom, on the back of the door. Capisce?” Todd pulled a confused face when he noticed that the other boys seemed so excited about what Charlie said. Even Cameron looked excited. “Alright, Meeks, you done with those names?”

“Yes, your majesty,” said Meeks with overwhelming sarcasm.

“Thank you kindly,” Charlie said to Meeks with a smirk. Meeks put rolled-up pieces of paper into Charlie’s palms, and the latter enclosed them in his hands and shook it. The boys started to crowd around him.

“Come on, Todd!” said the _still_ half-naked Neil when Todd didn’t move.

 _Who does he think he is, displaying those freckles on his back for everyone to see?_ Todd thought, nodding to the boy. _How can he even move around confidently without a shirt on? And what the_ hell _are we even gonna do?_

Knox laughed at the paper in his hand after walking away from the group, while Pitts let out a snort. Cameron started to ask Meeks something, but then Charlie shushed him.

“Remember what I said, gentlemen,” Charlie warned. He seemed extremely serious. Todd, however, found it hard to take himseriously with that beard on. “Don’t you dare tell anyone who you picked.”

Neil turned around to look at his own. Todd heard him chuckle.

“Todd, your turn.” Charlie said, shaking the two remaining pieces of paper in his palms.

Still uncertain, Todd gulped, picked one, and opened it. _Knoxious_ was written plainly across the paper. Then he started to get it. They were going to exchange gifts. And he picked Knox.

Todd started to panic. He had no idea what to get him. All he knew about Knox was that he had a girlfriend named Chris and that he played soccer for Welton. Other than that, he knew absolutely nothing. Who would he ask for advice if he wasn’t allowed to tell other people whom he picked?

“Listen up!” Charlie called out, pocketing the last rolled paper. “Now, today’s December 8. We will commence the gift giving on 19, after classes. That’s a Thursday, since the very next day, after classes and the traditional mass, all of us will probably be going home for the holidays. Now I know I informed you gentlemen of this on such short notice, but the ACTs and the SATs came up right after Thanksgiving, so I think my actions are justified.”

Todd almost forgot the tests even happened. They were held on Thursday and Friday earlier that week. The teachers held review classes from Monday to Tuesday, and they had mock exams on Wednesday. Todd actually felt pretty good about how he did on those tests. He didn’t suck at the Math portions as royally as he thought he would. He felt like he owed a large portion of that to his and Neil’s reviews.

“Alright, you can resume your laundry day now. This beard is starting to itch.” Charlie said, walking away.

“Charlie!” Cameron exclaimed after a few seconds. He held was holding the Native American headdress boxers as he ran after him. “Charlie, these are your goddamned boxers, get back here!”

The boys started talking about the upcoming game against Ridgeway and how the players could focus on training for it, since the teachers were taking it easy on them with the schoolwork.  


* * *

  
Turns out that the teachers were only taking it easy on them for the last few weeks because of the tests. Now they’re back with more hard work. Todd was about to tear his eyes out. Even Neil was beginning to crack. Would you believe that he forgot to do his Physics homework one day? It was weird to watch him get chastised by their teacher. Neil was probably the only student in class besides Cameron who didn’t get lectured about not passing their homework.

But somehow, through all of this hard work put on their backs, Neil was still in the forefront of Todd’s brain. He was so close to telling Meeks and Pitts all about it, but then he decided to try to push the feelings away, and to just bury himself in schoolwork. He’ll act normal in front of Neil, just as if he never even admitted to himself that he had it hard for this guy.

Neil wasn’t so eager to help him in his conquest to turn off his feelings, though, Todd found out one Thursday afternoon.

“Hey, Todd.” said Neil, breaking the silence in their room. Todd was working on an essay, one of Keating’s assignments, so he simply hummed in reply. “Do you wanna go out?” Todd inhaled sharply and his hand stopped writing. “I’m tired of studying, and we’ve only got one week left before the exchange gift thing.”

So he didn’t mean it in that way. He didn’t know whether to feel relieved or, god forbid, _disappointed_. Todd cleared his throat before answering. “Don’t you have soccer practice?”

“Keating can take it easy on me today.” Neil reasoned out. “Come on, Todd, please? I just need to clear my head.”

“And I need to finish the essay for tomorrow, Neil.” Todd said, gesturing to his papers.

“When we get home, I promise I’ll help you with it.” Neil offered.

Todd had a hundred more excuses in his head, but instead, he sighed through his nose. “Okay. I’ll just. I’ll just check out the wish list first.”

“No problem.” Neil replied, already at his closet.

Neither Cameron nor Charlie was in the room, so he just let himself in.

The wish list was mostly full, except for Todd’s part. And, as he quickly saw, Knox’s was empty, too.

Todd frowned, staring at the blank space. He felt sorry for whoever picked him, because now he knew how they were feeling. Try as he might, Todd had no ideawhat to put down. He swears he spends the whole year wanting something and then when it comes to Christmas he has no clue as to what he wants.

 _Maybe I could write_ Neil Perry _down,_ joked Todd to himself, chuckling.

The others were pretty straightforward. _Girls in Hellton_ was Charlie’s number one. In different handwriting, a _haha_ was scrawled beside it. Charlie wrote _stylish boxers_ , _combat boots (if you manage to find any affordable ones)_ , and _never-before-seen socks_ as his numbers two, three, and four.

Cameron, in the meanwhile, wanted a new scientific calculator that could easily transform fractions into decimals and other forms. _You guys know what I’m talking about_ was tacked at the end.

Pitts wrote _headphones PLEASE. long-lasting ones that don’t break after I use it for 5 times min._ Meeks drew an arrow to Pitts’ request that led back to his own space, and wrote, _same with me._ Meeks also put down _or a USB; at least 8 gb please_ and or _if you’re really desperate, Battle Royale by Koushun Takami. Battle Royale, alright? don’t give me The Hunger Games. just don’t._

Neil, in the meanwhile, put _Gregory and The Hawk – The Boats & Birds EP_ and _Mumm Ra – These Things Move in Threes album_. Todd smiled at that. It’s the little things. Maybe he should hook Neil up with some Iron  & Wine or Sleeping At Last.

Todd didn’t even know why and how he started to have a crush on this most probably straight boy. If there was even any chance that Neil was, at the very least, 1% gay, Todd was sure that his affections wouldn’t be aimed at him. What even was Todd in this school full of admirable boys? How could he, Todd Anderson, a meager and meaningless ant in a huge garden, possibly compare?

Well, the ‘why’ was easy. Neil Perry was… well, _Neil Perry_. What was there not to like about the golden boy of Welton Academy? He was perfect, even before Todd knew about his music taste.

The ‘how’ was a harder question to answer.

Todd didn’t even notice himself falling; he just kind of… did.  


* * *

  
The town was already feeling the Christmas spirit, what with the colorful lights and the glittering tinsel. Poinsettias were everywhere. There were even some houses with reindeer and Santa Clauses on their rooftops. Todd imagined it was more beautiful at night, when they were all lit up. But alas, it was only 3 in the afternoon, and the sun was still shining behind the thick, gray clouds.

Neil’s bike skidded to a stop in front one of those rare gadgets shop in town. It had the words ‘CHRISTMAS BLOWOUT’ on its storefront, its letters colored red, white, and green, alternately. “Well, what do you know. Up to 50% off. Charlie was actually right.” The taller boy said, locking his bike to a nearby lamp.

Neil spent at least half an hour contemplating on what brand of headphones he should get.

“Is it Pitts or Meeks?” Todd kept asking Neil. But Neil only laughed at him.

“I’m not telling you who I got.”

Todd acted offended. “What? I’m just trying to help, geez.” He got away with a weak punch to his arm and another one of Neil’s grins.

Neil ended up buying Philips headphones with these cool alien designs. It had a discount of 30%. Todd still didn’t know who Neil picked. Both Meeks and Pitts had this strange fascination with otherworldly beings. One night, when the three of them had free time, they watched _Ancient Aliens_ on Meeks’ laptop. Meeks and Pitts watched with rapt attention. Todd couldn’t help but remember the meme that went viral. He ended up snickering every time the dude with the wild hair came onscreen.

Todd spotted a bookstore just across the street as soon as they exited the shop. He couldn’t resist the natural lull of it and pulled Neil towards it; it’s been too long.

While Neil walked to some other part of the store, Todd gravitated towards the comic book section. He never really got to collect comic books. He spent his allowance on video games, since he could download the comic books from the internet and just read them there. He knew it wasn’t as satisfying as actually owning one and getting to hold it between your fingers. He took one of the more recent Hawkeye volumes from the shelf, but quickly put it back. If he was going to buy that, he wasn’t going to have enough gifts for everyone.

So after purchasing a copy of The Hunger Games, he called for Neil, and together they perused more stores. By the end of the day, Todd more or less got knick-knacks for everyone except Knox, ironically. Todd frowned at his shopping bags as the both of them cycled to Dead Poets Society. Some of what he got weren’t in the other boys’ wish lists. He mostly guessed and asked Neil for help, so he was a little worried.

Neil looked at him while they padlocked their bikes in front of the coffee shop. “Hey, you’re giving them free stuff. You shouldn’t worry too much if you got them something they’d like or not.”

Todd tried to repeat those words to himself in his head.

“My favorite boys!” greeted the ever-present Ginny as they entered the shop. She had normal clothes on instead of her usual all-black barista outfit. “How did the tests go? You guys were gone for a long time.”

“The tests were alright. Could have been harder.” Neil said, obviously acting smug for the sake of it. Todd rolled his eyes with a smile. “Hey, what’s up with the outfit? You aren’t working today?”

Ginny shook her head. “I just got some of my stuff. I’m a part of this play being held at Henley Hall; haven’t you guys heard of it?” This time, it was the boys who shook their heads. Ginny frowned, but quickly brightened up. “Oh hey, I could get you guys seats! Are you free tonight? Tonight’s the opening, and of course, the family members and the girls from Henley Hall are the privileged ones to get to see it first, but I know a couple of people who aren’t going to attend. Like my brother Chet,” added the girl while rolling her eyes.

“Wait a minute. Your brother’s _Chet Danburry_?” Neil asked incredulously.

“Who’s Chet?” asked Todd, a confused look on his face.

“My brother.” Ginny confirmed. Her obvious dislike of her brother showed on her face.

“So you know Chris?” asked Neil, still a bit shocked.

“Are you kidding me? We’re best friends. I get all the insider information about Welton from her.” Ginny answered.

“Wait, Chris as in Chris Noel, as in Knox Overstreet’s girlfriend?” Todd asked, trying to get a grasp on things.

“Yes, you dummy.” Ginny said, pursing her lips and folding her arms. Todd made a mental note to text her later. “Anyway, are you going to the play or are we just going to talk about who I know?”

Neil grinned. “Depends. What’s the play about?”

“ _A Midsummer Night’s Dream._ I’m Titania.” Ginny said, puffing up proudly.

“Titania!” Todd remarked, impressed. “You never told us you were gonna be a queen of a play. What time is it gonna start?”

“It starts at seven o’ clock, sharp, and ends at maybe nine forty-five, nine fifty. Can you make it?” asked Ginny, hope bright in her eyes.

Neil and Todd exchanged looks and smiled.

“We won’t be able to see you right after the play because we have to get home immediately, but count us in.” Neil replied. Ginny jumped towards them and enveloped both of them in a hug that should’ve been impossible for such a petite girl.

“Laura is gonna freak out when she sees you Neil!” Ginny squealed, holding both of them at an arm’s length. “She’s the one I’ve been telling you about who has a huge crush on you. Oh shit. If you ever meet her, don’t tell her I told you that. Just act normal, okay?”

Neil laughed. “Well, I’m not up for grabs anyway, so.”

Ginny narrowed her eyes. “Are you taken already? Who is it?”

Todd turned his head to Neil. _Yeah, who is it, Neil? And how come I haven’t heard of this?_ Todd thought, feeling a pang of jealousy, that, he told himself, he shouldn’t be feeling.

“You could say that. And I’m not giving out any names,” Neil replied, chuckling.

“Hey, don’t you have to get ready or something, your majesty?” Todd asked, cutting off whatever Ginny was going to say. He didn’t want to hear any more interrogations about Neil’s love life, which Todd didn’t even know existed until now.

“Actually, yeah. Eat some dinner, okay? And don’t be late. I’ll meet you at the entrance at six forty so that I can get you some decent seats.”

“Well, in that case, shouldn’t we go with you to Henley Hall?” Neil proposed. “There are some diners outside there, yeah?”

They ate dinner at the McDonald’s nearby Henley Hall after Ginny reminded them a thousand times about not being late. It was taking Todd all his willpower to not ask about whatever Neil was saying earlier. They arrived at the Henley Hall theater at six thirty-five, so they got to buy themselves a pamphlet about the play. They managed to get mediocre seats, but it was alright. It seemed like Neil was really enjoying himself, and over the evening, Todd began to forget about the questions he wanted to ask Neil.

Right after the play, Todd shot Ginny a text congratulating her before they got on their bikes.

They rushed out of the theater, bumping into Knox and Chris who were obviously in a hurry, too. Knox gave them a surprised smile, but didn’t falter in his introduction. “Of course you already know Neil. This is Todd Anderson. Todd, this is Chris Noel.” Todd and Chris shook hands. “I think you might’ve met before in Neil’s room…?”

“Yeah!” Chris confirmed. “I remember. You were real busy so we thought to skip the introductions. But anyway, nice to finally formally meet you, Todd.”

“Same here.” Todd replied. _She’s who I gotta ask about Knox!_ He thought.

Knox checked his watch. “We gotta go. I still have to drop Chris off or her mom will murder me.”

Chris smacked her boyfriend’s arm. “He’s kidding. But mom really will be mad if I come home on my own.”

“Make sure to get home before the gates close, Knoxious,” Neil said as they got into Chris’ car.

“Yeah, you too, Neil!” Knox hollered before they drove away.

“Come on,” Neil said, starting to pedal back to school. Todd pedaled after him.

“It’s beautiful!” Neil shouted at Todd as they zoomed past the buildings decorated with fairy lights. The tinsel glittered more beside the blinking lights. The various Santa Clauses and the reindeer appeared to be moving.

Todd was breathless. “It is,” He shouted back. Neil’s bike skidded to a stop, and Todd followed suit. “Neil, we’re in the middle of the road.” Todd pointed out, looking at Neil, who brought his phone out from his pocket.

“Hold on. I wanna take a picture.” Todd started to protest. Neil then held up his phone and leaned towards Todd. “Smile!”  


* * *

  
When they got home, they stashed away their purchases under their beds, and Neil proceeded to help Todd with his essay while doing his own.

Constant breaks were taken because Todd wanted to look at the notifications from Snapchat. The pictures were of Ginny, still wearing her costume. They had captions like ‘THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING!!!’ and ‘TELL NEIL I LOVE YOU GUYS.’ One picture was Ginny pretending to cry while holding a bouquet of flowers by her side. ‘I CAN DIE NOW’, the caption said.

Todd pretended to take selfies, when his true intention was to take pictures of Neil comparing their essays. ‘Neil’s too busy writing his essay.’ Eventually, Neil caught him. The last Snapchat Todd sent to Ginny was a picture of Neil grabbing the phone from Todd.  One shaky video of Neil running around the room being chased by Todd was sent to Ginny a minute later.  


* * *

  
Neil posted four pictures on Facebook just a few minutes after they finished their essays, along with the caption ‘Right after watching A Midsummer Night’s Dream and Christmas shopping!!!’ and a few Christmas emojis. Todd, of course, was tagged, along with Ginny. It was all the same: the background was the street of Christmas-themed houses, all brightly lit and even slightly over-decorated. And thanks to the good lighting, their faces were clearly seen.

Todd’s facial expressions, in particular, were ridiculous. His face went through a rather comical transition. In the first photo, Todd was looking at Neil, obviously in the middle of saying something. Next, Todd was in a state of confusion; his eyebrows were all bunched up, his eyes narrowed in question at the camera. Then, Todd was surprised. His mouth opened up in a perfect ‘o’, and his eyes were wide. He looked just like a deer caught in the headlights. In the last one, Todd was smiling too widely for it to be sincere.

Neil’s face was simple enough. He was smiling normally throughout all of them. The only difference was in the last picture. He was in the middle of a laugh, looking at Todd.  


* * *

  
The friendly game between Ridgeway and Welton finally happened on a cold Saturday afternoon that same week. It was actually supposed to be later that night, but the weather broadcast said that snow will start falling that evening.

All sorts of people came. Of course, there were students from both Ridgeway and Welton. There were some girls from Henley Hall. There were teachers and the occasional parents.

Todd, Meeks, and Pitts were down near the benches of the players to wish them luck. Pitts was armed with a camera, as he always was during major events. Meeks, in the meanwhile, held a pen and a little notepad while he interviewed Mr. Keating, Charlie, and Neil. Mr. Keating and Charlie were very animated as they answered Meeks’ questions.

Neil, Todd noticed, was a bit more nervous than the both of them.

Todd went beside him when Meeks was done with Neil. “Hey, you’re gonna be great out there.” He said, giving Neil what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “You trained like hell for this.”

Neil exhaled, creating fog while doing so. “Yeah, I did, didn’t I?”

“You all did,” replied Todd.

Neil scratched the back of his head, looking abashed while he gazed at Todd for a few seconds without saying anything. The blond boy looked down at his feet when he felt himself blushing.

“Chris!” Knox greeted loudly when the blond girl from the room earlier that year approached the team. Unsurprisingly, they made out with each other. Gross.

Ginny was right behind her, chatting with another girl. Ginny waved at them when she looked over.

“Okay gentlemen, huddle up!” Mr. Keating called out.

“Well. I gotta go.” Neil said. Todd heard the people around them saying ‘good luck’ to the players. So he settled with that, too.

“Good luck,” Todd said. Neil gave him a small smile before he jogged towards his teammates.

Sighing, Todd turned to Pitts and Meeks. “Come on,” Todd said, when they didn’t start moving.

So they went to take their seats. There was an uneasy silence among the three of them until Pitts burst out, “Are you two dating?”

“Pittsie!” Meeks reprimanded him, though he looked like he wanted to know the answer to that, too. Todd felt his face heat up again.

“How do you even know I’m ga–” Todd started to say, before a familiar voice beside him cut him off.

“Who’s dating?” It was Ginny. She was seated beside them with Chris and that other girl. It seemed like the two were engaged in a conversation, though. The three boys seemed at a loss for words. “I’m Ginny Danburry. Nice to meet you. So, who’s dating?”

“No one.” Todd deadpanned, while Pitts said, “Todd and Neil. It’s Gerard Pitts, by the way.”

“And I’m Steven Meeks. You’re the barista from Dead Poets Society.” greeted Meeks.

“I knew it.” Ginny said with a straight face. Then she smiled. “And yes I am!”

“What?! No, this is all a misunderstanding. We are _not_ dating.” Todd explained. “Ginny, they were asking, not stating. And Pitts and Meeks, I repeat, we _aren’t._ ”

“Then what’s with you guys going out and watching plays and shopping together?” Meeks asked.

“Yeah, it’s all on Facebook.” Pitts confirmed. Ginny nodded along.

Todd looked back and forth at them and let out an exasperated sigh. “Okay, first of all, I haven’t seen that post yet. _And_ , you guys do that, too!” He told the two boys.

“We don’t go out together _alone_ , Todd.” Pitts pointed out.

“What?” Todd asked, visibly surprised.

“Yeah, we always either go out with Spaz or Cameron or Charlie or Knox or all of them or you.” Meeks said.

“And we don’t go out as often as you guys do!” Pitts added.

“And we don’t watch plays,” Meeks further added.

“Or shop.”

“Or take cute pictures together looking like a couple in love and post it on Facebook for everyone to see.”

“Or look into each other’s eyes longingly before a soccer game –”

“Okay, okay, enough!” Todd said, waving his hands around. Ginny laughed. “We’re not going out. We’re not.”

“Who’s going out?” Chris intervened. Todd almost smacked his forehead while Pitts and Meeks greeted Chris. “This is Laura McAllister, by the way. She goes to Henley Hall with Ginny here.”

Laura waved hello to them. “My dad’s a teacher at Welton,” she added.

“Mr. McAllister? I didn’t know he had a daughter,” Meeks remarked in slight amazement. Lauren shrugged.

“I’m sorry to cut you guys off, but we’re getting away from the matter at hand.” Pitts said.

 _Just when I thought the attention was off of me,_ Todd thought. Then he looked at Laura. _This is the Laura who freaks out at the sight of Neil Perry? Oh man. She’s incredibly pretty._

“Yeah, who’s going out?” Chris repeated.

“Todd and Neil,” Ginny, Meeks, and Pitts replied in unison. Chris looked worried. Laura looked shocked.

“You don’t mean Neil as in Neil Perry?” Laura asked, her blue eyes wide in question.

“Okay, look.” Todd sighed. “We are _not_ going out, can I make that clear?”

Laura was visibly relieved.

“But?” Ginny asked.

Todd started. “There are no –”

“There’s a but, I can feel it.” Meeks interrupted.

Todd sighed loudly, his eyes wondering over to Neil taking his place on the field. Guess there’s no way out of it. “But… I like him.”

Pitts got his wallet out and gave Meeks five dollars.

Ginny started going on about how Laura knew all about what Todd was feeling. Laura, surprisingly enough, nodded her head somberly. When Laura pulled him to the side, Todd couldn’t believe it when they exchanged numbers, with Laura telling him that he could talk to her anytime if he needed any help.

“I thought you’d be… mad, or something,” Todd said, befuddled.

“We gotta stick together, you feel me?” Laura said, with a serious look on her face. Then she broke out into a laugh. “And it’s not over ‘til one of us is dating him, right?”

“I… I still don’t get it.” Todd replied.

“We aren’t in the Mean Girls, Todd,” Laura said, playfully punching his arm. Todd finally laughed.

When they got back to their seats, Todd mustered up enough courage to ask Chris for advice on what to give Knox for Christmas. Fortunately, Chris was happy to answer.

Afterwards, all their attention was focused on the game. Every time Neil scored a goal, Ginny bumped shoulders with Todd with a huge smile on her face. Pitts, who was the one sitting beside Todd, elbowed him. Meeks laughed. Todd rolled his eyes. He knew he shouldn’t have told them that, especially with Laura hanging around.

The game was intense. Every time one team scored, the other team immediately followed up with another point. But in the end, Welton won.

“I’m sad for my school but happy for Knox,” Todd heard Chris say, to which Laura and Ginny laughed at.

Needless to say, Pitts and Meeks went down to interview the co-captains and the coach for the second time. Todd followed them after saying goodbye to the girls. He could’ve sworn he heard Laura asking Ginny if they could stay for a little bit longer to congratulate Neil.

Neil approached Todd after the questions. Todd could feel Pitts and Meeks looking at them. “We won!” Neil exclaimed, looking at Todd excitedly.

Todd laughed, putting his gloved hands inside his pockets because he didn’t know what to do with them. “I know. I was there the whole time. I told you you’d do great.”

“Yeah, you did.” Neil gave him the same look as before. Then he looked down and chuckled. “I’m gonna shower. I stink.”

“Yeah, you-you do that.” Todd stammered.

“See you back at the room?” Neil asked as he walked away.

“Yeah. Maybe.” Todd replied, waving goodbye.

Pitts and Meeks went to Todd’s left and right when Neil turned his back away from Todd.

“Ah yes, young love.” Meeks said as they walked together in the direction of the dorms. Pitts started belting out the lyrics of ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight?’ as loud as he could without attracting prefects. Todd cursed both of them under his breath, but he couldn’t keep the smile from forming on his face.  


* * *

  
Todd checked the Facebook post. It had over a hundred likes. There was a comment by Charlie. ‘I dint know u guys were already datin!’ Todd immediately added a comment of his own: ‘WE ARE NOT!!!’  


* * *

  
Right after classes on Thursday, December 19, the boys filed one by one into Todd and Neil’s room. Todd was sat on his bed with Pitts beside him, and Meeks at Neil’s desk while Knox was at Todd’s. Charlie was lying down on Neil’s bed. Cameron was awkwardly standing at the door. All of them were holding their gifts and were engaged in a lively conversation about who spent the most money.

“Wait, where’s Perry?” Charlie asked. As if on cue, the door opened, bumping Cameron aside in the process.

“Oops, sorry, Cameron.” Neil apologized. He had what looked like a lamp in his hand.

“Okay, I’ll bite. What’s that?” Meeks asked as Neil put it on the window sill.

“Duh, it’s a lamp, Meeks.” Pitts said, and everyone laughed. Meeks made a face at Pitts.

“You’re wrong, Pittsie,” said Neil. He took off the top to reveal the little makeshift Christmas tree under it. Everyone had a look of amazement on their faces. “Ta-da! Todd and I managed to squeeze in a little money for the tree and got some decorations from the staff.”

“You outdid yourselves, guys.” Knox commented as Neil plugged the lights in. He exchanged glances with Charlie, while Meeks and Pitts smiled and snorted almost simultaneously.

“But did it really have to be disguised as a lamp?” Cameron asked.

“I wanted it to be a surprise!” Neil replied, smiling at the little, artificial tree. “Otherwise you guys wouldn’t be as amazed.”

Charlie cleared his throat. “Okay, thank you for the glorious tree, Todd and Neil. But I’m afraid we must really get to the heart of Christmas: gift-giving.”

“I don’t know why I expected you to say something else.” Cameron sighed. Todd laughed.

The first to go was Knox. He proudly handed Cameron a slim, rectangle-shaped box. Cameron was more than pleased at the calculator that he unwrapped.

Cameron then gave Meeks a beautifully-wrapped 16 GB USB. Meeks jumped in joy and thanked Cameron profusely.

Meeks then called on Neil to give him _These Things Move in Threes_. Meeks apologized for giving him only one album. “It was the only one that was available,” explained Meeks. Neil, however, was still immensely grateful.

Neil took out a box from under his bed and gave it to Pitts. Pitts was delighted when he ripped the wrapping open. “Man, this must’ve cost so much!” exclaimed Pitts as he tested out the headphones. Then he stopped poring over his own gift and looked at Charlie. “Sorry, I couldn’t manage to get any girls. Or any combat boots.”

Pitts held out a squishy package to Charlie, who crowed in delight when he saw what was inside. “Dude, these are _so_ awesome,” said Charlie as he held up a variety of eccentric boxers and socks. “Where did you buy these?” Pitts acted like he didn’t know and shrugged. “You’ll have to show me. You’ll have to, eventually. And now,” Charlie set the clothing aside and put a box on Todd’s lap. “My gift.”

Todd looked at the box, not knowing what to expect. He hadn't written anything on his wish list, so this was sort of scary. “Oh my god,” breathed Todd. It was a boxed set of all the X-Men movies! There was the trilogy, Origins: Wolverine, First Class, and even the more recent Wolverine. “Oh my god.” Todd repeated, looking over at Charlie in complete and utter disbelief.

Charlie, in the meanwhile, had the smuggest smile on his face. “I told you he’d love it,” he told Knox.

“I thought it was absurd,” said Knox, folding his arms. “I thought you already had all the movies, Todd, I mean, since. You know. You’re obviously a fan.” He gestured at the poster behind Todd.

“Well, I am, but I only ever watched these online,” Todd said, holding the set in his hands as if it was the Holy Grail. “So this is really good. Thank you so much.”

“You know, I only ever watched the first Wolverine movie,” commented Cameron.

“I only watched First Class,” added Neil.

“Are Todd and I the only ones who’ve actually watched everything in its entirety?” Pitts said, laughing. The rest except Todd nodded.

“Everyone in favor of watching everything right from the start say ‘aye.’” Charlie proposed.

“Aye,” came everyone’s response.

“We only have enough time for three of them until dinner time, though.” Todd reasoned out.

“Then we’ll continue watching after dinner!” Meeks said. The others agreed.

“Though you guys do realize it’s a school night, right?” Cameron said.

“We can skip the Wolverine movies; they’re don’t have a real impact on the other movies, really.” Todd said quickly.

“Then we’ll do that!” Charlie concluded. “Alright, we still have someone gift-less, here, Todd.” He gestured towards Knox.

“Oh, right. Sorry,” Todd apologized, putting the boxed set beside him. “This is for Knox.” Todd was a bit nervous about his gift, but he comforted himself with the thought that it was Chris who gave him the idea. Though, truly, he didn’t peg Knox as the Dan Brown type. But there it was.

“ _Inferno_! Gosh, how did you know, Todd?” Knox held up the thick book. “You know who introduced me to this series? Chris.” Everyone but Todd mouthed the name as he said it. “Wait a minute –” Knox narrowed his eyes at Todd. “You asked her?”

Todd blushed as he looked down at his twiddling thumbs. “I-I didn’t know who to ask, and you didn’t write anything on the wish list, so….”

Knox laughed. “It’s okay. I don’t think you violated any of Charlie’s rules.”

“No, you didn’t, Todd. Don’t worry,” Charlie said reassuringly. “Anyway, I have extra gifts for everyone!”

After Charlie and Todd gave out their extra gifts (Meeks looked mortified at the two copies of the Hunger Games he received from both of them), they proceeded to watch X-Men on Todd’s laptop with Meeks’ speakers. The laptop was placed on the windowsill beside the Christmas tree, with the boys huddled up on the beds that they pushed together. They had to pause just as Jean Grey was starting to disintegrate Wolverine. Todd could’ve sworn the boys only ate for ten minutes maximum, not including the few seconds they spent running to and from the cafeteria. After settling in to watch what was left of The Last Stand, everyone gasped at what transpired in the next few seconds, even Todd and Pitts. Charlie cursed loudly.

It was ten 0’ clock, after First Class, when everyone bid each other good night.

Todd searched the room for any trash the others may have left.

“Have you ever noticed how Professor X and Magneto were so gay for each other?” Neil said, closing the door to their room.

Todd chuckled as he bent down to grab a sock from the floor. It was Charlie’s. “Do I.” Little did Neil know he even wrote fanfiction about those two.

“They were the actual parents of those mutant kids.”

“Tell me more about it,” said Todd, standing up and turning around to go out. He stopped in his tracks, though, because Neil was blocking his path, with his face was so close to his own. Todd could was highly aware of his breath on his skin. He felt his airways close.

“I mean,” whispered Neil, his eyes flickering down to Todd’s mouth. Todd gripped the sock in his hand tightly. “The sexual tension between them is undeniable.”

After a beat, Neil held up something between them. Looking down, Todd saw it was a gift. “Neil…?”

“I saw you looking at it at the bookstore, so I had to buy it.” Neil said. “Well, go on. Open it.”

It was the first Hawkeye issue. Todd couldn’t believe his eyes. “Neil, you shouldn’t have –”

He was cut off by Neil closing the gap between them.

 _He’s kissing me,_ Todd thought. It didn’t sink in until it was too late. He felt Neil moving away. The other boy had a confused and slightly hurt look on his face. Todd was about to apologize, and tell him to continue, by all means, but he was cut off, again, by the opening of the door. Todd stepped back from Neil.

“Hey, by any chance, have you guys seen a sock with broken heart emoji patterns?” Charlie asked from the doorway. He held up a sock identical to the one in Todd’s hand. “I think I left it here.”

Todd gulped and cleared his throat. It took him another second to find his voice. “It’s-it’s here, with me.” It felt like it was another person who was walking past Neil and towards Charlie. It felt like it was another person who gave Charlie the sock.

“Thanks, Todd. I thought I lost it for sure. And to think that it’s brand new,” Charlie said. “Merry Christmas and good night!”

“Yeah, good night.” Todd replied absentmindedly. He closed the door and didn’t turn around immediately. He was too afraid to see Neil. He was too afraid to mess it up to say anything. He stayed there, gripping the doorknob, until he heard Neil sigh.

“Forget anything ever happened, okay, Todd?” said Neil. Todd finally turned to him, but Neil already had his back on him. He was pushing his bed back to his spot.

“Neil, I –” Todd started, but the words died in his mouth when Neil looked at him. He looked like he was whipped. “It’s forgotten.”

* * *

  
“He did _what?_ ” Pitts and Meeks said simultaneously. Todd almost laughed, but he didn’t really feel like laughing. Not to mention that they were in a middle of a mass. The priest was currently preaching his homily.

“He kissed me.” Todd replied somberly. He stared at the back of Neil’s head. He was two rows in front of him, seated beside Knox and Charlie.

Meeks handed Pitts a dollar.

“Then why are you all sad? Shouldn’t this be a cause for celebration?” Pitts asked while pocketing the money.

“Oh no, don’t tell me you didn’t kiss back,” Meeks whispered, looking at Todd. Todd merely looked back with a frown.

“So that’s why you and Neil were weird the whole day,” Pitts whispered back.

Cameron, who was sitting in front of them, shushed them.

 “You will explain yourself later, young man.” Meeks muttered under his breath after a few seconds.

But Todd didn’t get to explain himself at all.

His parents arrived early. They exchanged pleasantries with Mr. Nolan at the church’s entrance, but they bid goodbye quickly when they saw their son. “It’s to make up for last time. We’re still very sorry, Todd.” said his mother, as he loaded his baggage into the rear compartment.

“It’s okay, mom.” Todd replied, closing the compartment. He looked around for Neil one last time. And there he was, looking right back at him. Neil, however, turned his gaze away almost instantly. Todd sighed. “I thought you guys were gonna get rid of this car?”

“Well, it’s a long story.” His mother said, walking to the passenger’s side. “I’ll have your father tell it to you on the trip home.”

And his father told the story on the trip home. It turned out that they _did_ buy a new car, but it was going to be Todd’s Christmas present. “Todd, are you alright? I thought you’d be happier than this.” His father said when Todd only gave them an absent-minded ‘thank you.’

“Sorry, I’m just a bit distracted. I’m happy about it, really. Thanks so much,” Todd replied, smiling at the rear view mirror. He wasn’t sure if that convinced them, but they got off his case. Todd turned to the window, watching as Welton grew smaller and smaller as they drove further away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a hulk of a chapter. So I guess that's to make up for its being late, haha.
> 
> Also, if you noticed something wonky about the SATs or ACTs or just generally the college application process, it's probably because I'm not from America. [confused Asian noises]


	7. New Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise, bitch. i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me.

It had just started snowing when he last saw Welton, and it was still snowing now that he came back in the cold January. By now, even more snow had piled up; it would be dirty slush when spring came around, and that was never a pleasant sight.

 _New England is one of the snowier states,_ Todd reminded himself, blowing puffs of warm air into his mittens. The plains and the trees in the distance blurred by with the speed his brother was going, but he saw that they were all covered in a nice, soft white. _Beautiful in the fall, but definitely wintry hell when the time comes._

“I bet the lake is frozen over,” Jeff commented, lowering the radio’s volume. They were nearing the town, and Todd could almost see the Christmas decorations covering the whole place. “Would’ve skated there back then if the boys had the equipment, but alas.”

Todd grunted in response, checking his phone for any new notifications. Nothing.

“Hey, you okay?” Jeff asked, brows furrowing. “You’ve been like this the whole break.”

Todd hesitated. Would it be wise to tell his brother everything he’s been thinking about? How many times he tried to type up a text message and failed? How many times he dived over to his phone whenever it vibrated to see if Neil had the balls to send _him_ a text? How he came upon a nasty writer’s block for the first time ever and didn’t update _Count the Empires_ even once? Would it be wise to come out _now_?

“Just not looking forward to school,” he finally answered, checking his phone again. Just the time and his background, which was an edited screenshot of a scene in First Class where Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr were sitting on the stairs, playing chess. Todd frowned at it. Maybe Neil’s phone was broken?

Jeff looked unconvinced. “The _whole_ break you were like this. Mom and Dad even said you didn’t look that excited when they bought you your own car and you’ve been telling me about wanting to have a car for _ages_.”

The car was beautiful. It had a dark blue sheen that sparkled when the light bounced off its surface, accompanied with tinted windows. It wasn’t one of those showy sports cars and it had the typical four seats, but it was comfortable and consumed little gas. They took it for a spin and let Todd drive it (even if he didn’t have his driver’s license yet) while they were Christmas shopping. Jeff was in the passenger’s seat, yelling every time Todd drove too close to the sidewalk or to other cars. He left the car home though, so that his parents had something to use, because the old car had finally given up for good.

Todd scrambled his brain for other excuses. He cleared his throat. “College applications.”

Jeff glanced at him from the corner of his eye. “What?”

“I’m… anxious about the college applications.” It wasn’t a lie. Over the break, he submitted his applications to their respective universities, even to Harvard and Yale, since it was what his parents wanted. Since he didn’t think he was going to pass any of the Ivy League universities, he applied for a creative writing major in Brown and Columbia. Might as well, right? At least they won’t be as angry if he only passed those ones… right?

His older brother smiled fondly at him and reached over to Todd to ruffle his hair. “Don’t worry too much. You’ve sent them in, now all you have to do is wait. The hardest part is over.”

Todd sighed, combing through his now-messy hair as best as he could with mittens on. “Yeah, you’re right,” he replied, folding his arm on the space beside the window and resting his chin on it.

The rest of the trip was his brother singing (shouting) along to The Wombats.

 

* * *

 

It was a Sunday, which Todd was grateful for. Unlike the first day he got here, he was dropped off just a day before school. His family saw no point in making him go early since he didn’t have to unpack a lot of things and set up his room. It was a new scene to behold when he walked through the bustling corridors of the campus and saw people greeting him. It was a nice change, he realized. He wasn’t the new boy anymore.

As he was ascending the stairs, Pitts yelled at him from above. “Todd! You’re here,” he exclaimed. Meeks was right beside him, waving a hello.

Todd smiled at them, speeding up his pace. “Hey, what’s up?”

“We were thinking that for Easter break you could come over with us at Meeks’ house to work on the newspaper and play video games.” Pitts paused. “Mostly play video games, let’s be real.”

Meeks piped in. “Unless you and Mr. Perry made up already and you want to go home with him instead….”

Todd flushed pink and punched Meeks on the shoulder when he finally reached the top.

Charlie whipped his head from his room. “They’re fighting?”

The blond boy blushed deeper, veering away from the question immediately. “I’ll have to ask my parents, but alright.”

“Awesome!” Pitts punched the air.

“It’s just in the next city,” informed Meeks, starting to walk towards his room. “My mom will pick us up.”

“Nice talking, guys!” Charlie yelled after Todd passed by him, who was obviously avoiding his gaze. “I’ll know about this, sooner or later.”

“Stop shouting, Charlie,” grumbled Cameron from inside their room.

“I won’t tell him anything, don’t worry,” assured Meeks, squeezing his shoulder.

“Me neither,” agreed Pitts, nodding. He gestured towards Neil and Todd’s room. “Good luck. If you have bad luck instead, you know where to find us.”

Todd was hoping that he would chance upon an empty room by some miracle, but it was just like the first day he got here. Neil Perry sat there on his desk with a book in front of him, nodding his head along to whatever was playing on his earphones. They were plugged into his apparently fully-functional phone.

Todd held his breath, trying to make as little noise as possible as he set his things down on his table. He hightailed it out of there the moment he plugged his phone in. There was only 20% left, and he didn’t know whether it was the iPhones’ fault for having quick battery life or his own fault for continuously checking it for new messages.

He left the room as quietly as he could and walked slash ran into Meeks and Pitts’ room.

“This is probably going to be the worst year ever,” said Todd as he closed the door behind him too quickly.

“Don’t worry, it isn’t too bad for Charlie and Cameron, and they resent each other,” Meeks said, tinkering with their homemade radio on the floor with Pitts. There were nails, screws, wires, and various other parts Todd couldn’t begin to name strewn around them.

Pitts raised a screwdriver in agreement.  “You and Neil just have unresolved sexual tension. How and when are you planning on fixing that by the way?”

Todd laid down on the floor and groaned an anguished ‘I don’t knooooooow’ in response.

 

* * *

 

It was inevitable.

Todd had to go to dinner – which was horrible; Neil sat three tables away and didn’t even spare him a single glance – and go back to his own room to sleep at lights out. He wanted to sleep over at Meeks and Pitts’ room, but the beds were too small to share comfortably. He didn’t think it was even allowed to sleep over in someone else’s room. He’d have to ask Cameron.

Todd made sure to spend his time at Meeks and Pitts’ as long as he could, but by midnight, everyone was already tired and wanting to go to bed, even him. No point in keeping others up for his own problem. Besides, Neil probably already went to sleep.

He bade them a final and silent good night before he closed the door behind himself. He took a deep breath, steeling himself before facing his fear. Or at least, going to his room, where Neil was hopefully fast asleep.

He turned around, and there he was. The lights in the hallway were turned off, but Todd could see the parts of him illuminated by the dim moonlight. Those he couldn’t see his mind conveniently filled out for him.

“Todd!”

“N-Neil!”

It appeared the brunet just came from Charlie’s room himself. Was he doing the same exact thing? Delaying meeting each other again?

Neil gave him a tight smile. No teeth. “How were the holidays?”

Todd looked down at his feet, wringing his hands. _The absolute fucking worst_. “F-fine, I guess.”

“Good. Good,” Neil replied, slowly nodding his head.

“Y-yours?” Todd stammered out, eyes still on the floor.

“It was okay,” said Neil. He cleared his throat. “So–”

“Just fuck already!” yelled an aggravated voice that sounded awfully like Charlie from behind Neil.

Todd flinched, his cheeks coloring. _So Charlie_ did _find out._

Neil slammed a fist on the door behind him.

They painfully stood there for almost a minute in deafening silence until Neil awkwardly turned and marched – yes, _marched_ – away to their room. Todd followed suit slowly, his face a thousand degrees hot.

Todd opened the door to find Neil already under the covers, and the lights already turned off. He sighed. Where were his words when he needed them?

 

* * *

  

The whole day was practically torture. When Todd woke up in the morning, Neil was already gone. Usually, Todd wouldn’t be worried about this. He would just think Neil had gone out jogging like he usually did.

 _Which is what he’s probably doing right now;_ stop overthinking, Todd _!_ he bitterly thought to himself as he got up from a bad night’s sleep to get himself ready for the morning. He looked out the window; it was still snowing. Was Neil Perry really jogging in the snow?

He shook his head and headed to the showers.

Breakfast was just like dinner, but he was glad about _some_ things. For one, he was glad that Meeks and Pitts were there to distract him from his own thoughts.

Neil was magnetic, like he always was, though; Todd couldn’t keep his eyes from glancing at the table where he sat with Knox and Charlie. He could be wrong, but it looked like they were arguing about something; Knox and Charlie, particularly. Neil himself just seemed pensive.

“Todd? Are you listening?”

“What?”

Pitts grinned, looking like he would burst laughing any second now. “Meeks was saying, while you were busy ogling the Neil Perry, he wasn’t the one who told Charlie about you two. Nah me ee-yer, bah ah weh,” he added, munching through his egg sandwich.

“Sorry,” Todd said, quickly averting his eyes from Neil. “But you heard that? Last night?”

“’Just fuck already!’” Meeks said in his best imitation of Charlie’s slick voice. Pitts put his hand over his mouth as tried to laugh without opening his mouth. “The whole floor probably heard that, let’s be real. Fortunately, Hager takes medicine that basically puts him right to deep sleep.”

Todd put his face into his palms. “Yeah, no, it’s okay. Neil probably told him. Or Charlie forced him to tell him.”

“Most probably the latter,” Meeks assumed, almost finishing his bacon and rice. He checked his watch. “Ten minutes left before the first class of the year 2014, gentlemen. I wish you all luck.”

Todd was also glad he was never seated anywhere beside Neil in any of their classes together. It avoided any weird small talk like last night. Classes themselves were also effective in distracting Todd, which was okay. Definitely worse than Neil giving him that toothy smile that looked like they shared a secret just between the two of them whenever Todd looked over during class, but still better than last night. Anything was better than last night.

However, more awkward small talk ensued throughout the week. It was hard to avoid; after all, they did share a single room. It was just a series of conversations like ‘what did you receive from your parents?’ ‘a car’ ‘cool’ and it made Todd wonder for how long this was going to go on. The silence in their room was no longer companionable silence; it was just tense and unlike them. It made Todd want to melt away into the ground and disappear. And because he couldn’t physically do that, he just hid at Meeks and Pitts’ room whenever he could. He was actually in here more than he was in his own room.

“Why don’t you tell him how you really feel? It’s obviously mutual,” Meeks pointed out, eyes focused on the radio they now broke apart into pieces. Apparently, they were going to remake it. Todd helped them out by keeping the parts and tools sorted out. It wasn’t like he knew what they were; he just grouped them together according to appearance.

Todd scrunched his face at the idea. “I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like a good idea. He might not even feel the same anymore.”

Pitts snorted. “Have you seen him? He looks horrible. He looks like something crawled up his ass and died. _Obviously,_ he won’t be this way if he’s already moved on, Todd.”

“Can we-can we talk about something else?” Todd asked, crossing his arms and sitting back on the bed frame. “I feel like you guys always bug me about this.”

“ _Because!”_ Meeks threw his hands up in the air exasperatedly. “It’s such an easy fix, Todd. I’m telling you, you just have to tell him,” continued the redhead, voice tired, as if he’s said this a million times already. “But fine, we’ll talk about something else. Can you please hand me the wire cutter?”

“Yessir,” replied Todd, finally relaxing a little bit.

He was also glad for Keating. His class was the least tiring one to attend, save for the instances when he makes them recite poetry in front of the class. His class was also the last class they had to attend for the day, so it always put him in a relatively good mood for the rest of the day.

But ever since the week started, Todd felt someone boring holes into the back of his head. Maybe he was just paranoid, but he felt so… visible. Why did he even choose to sit in front?

 _It’s okay, it’s Friday now,_ thought Todd, trying his hard to focus on whatever Mr. Keating was saying. He rubbed his nape to shake off the feeling. _Last day of classes this week. Then you can hole up at Meeks and Pitts’ for the whole weekend._

The bell rang then. Did Todd just spend the whole period obsessing over the weird feeling of being stared at? Frustrated, he slowly stood up to arrange his books and notebooks. Great. He might as well have been absent.

“Mr. Anderson?”

Todd raised his head. Most of the students were already gone. “Mr. Keating.”

“You’re looking the worse for wear,” commented the teacher, a small smile on his face.

That made Todd break into a small smile, too, despite the unease in his chest. “Sorry. Tough week,” he said, applying more care in the way he handled his things.

Keating hummed, leaning on the desk. “How were the college applications? Submitted them already?”

“Yessir,” replied Todd, putting his pen in his front jacket pocket.

“That’s good!” congratulated Keating. “Then what else are you so tense about? Last I’ve seen you like this were the first week of classes.”

Todd’s hands tightened into fists.

“You know, it’s not just you I noticed,” contemplated Keating. “Mr. Perry also seems to be having the same disposition, that little boy of sunshine. He thinks he can fool me with his fake grins. Do you happen to know anything about what he’s gotten up to? If I’m not mistaken, you’re roommates, yes?”

“Yessir,” repeated Todd.

“Well? Is it anything I can help you with? It’s not a good feeling to have two students not listening in class.”

Todd looked down at his desk. “I’m fine, sir. J-just need to get some rest.”

Keating hummed again. Todd heard some shuffling of papers from the teacher’s direction. “Alright. Well, whatever it is, it’s nothing some honest conversation can’t solve. Always found that to be the best medicine to my problems. Don’t keep it in, Mr. Anderson. Forward my message to Mr. Perry, won’t you?”

Todd nodded minutely.

 

* * *

 

The walk back to his room was a long one. He took his time contemplating how he would spend the first weekend of the year. Was Neil thinking of camping out at Charlie’s room as well? Was this truly the end of… whatever they had?

Todd frowned. He didn’t want that at all.

He turned Keating’s words around in his head again and again. He could finally talk to Neil about this like Meeks and Pitts have been saying the whole time, but what would he even open the conversation with? Once he messes up, he was sure he couldn’t grow back the courage to continue talking. He would just end up being a useless, stuttering sack of flesh and bones. Maybe he could use Keating’s request to pass on his advice as a conversation starter….

Todd ended up in front of his and Neil’s room, still lost in thought. What shook him from his thoughts was the door in front of him opening from the inside.

“Todd!”

 _We’ve got to stop meeting like this,_ Todd thought. “Neil,” he breathed, heart racing from the surprise.

“Sorry, um, I was just on my way out,” said Neil, trying to pass by Todd.

“I’ll get out of your way then,” were the first words that came to mind, but they were not what Todd said. Instead, he grabbed Neil’s arm and said, “Can we talk?”

His heart was threatening to jump out of his ribcage in the three seconds that Neil looked at him without a reply. Those three seconds felt like three centuries. But Todd held his gaze, determined about this one thing: he didn’t want to lose their friendship, romance be damned.

Eventually, Neil’s apprehensive posture softened, then he nodded.

In slight relief, Todd let go of his arm and looked inside the room. It stopped snowing earlier in the day, but their window was still caked with white. Neil stepped back inside, and Todd stepped forward and closed the door behind him.

It was quiet, and their position near the door didn’t change. Todd was scared that if he moved even just a centimeter, something would go wrong. He wanted to wait for Neil to speak, but it didn’t seem that the other boy would budge. The air between them stayed still for a good minute, until Todd mustered up the courage he had left and inhaled.

“Mr. Keating talked to me after class ended earlier,” the blond boy said in a soft voice, his words almost a whisper. His eyes were glued to Neil’s chin. “He noticed that there was something wrong with the both of us. And, um, he just asked me to tell you what he told me: Nothing some honest conversation can’t solve. So.”

He heard Neil sigh through his nose, and Todd saw a gentle smile form above his chin. “So here you are.”

“Here I am,” Todd affirmed, the hand on the strap of his bag tightening.

“Okay,” Neil replied, “I’m listening.”

So Todd closed his eyes and spoke.

“ThenightyoukissedmetimepassedbysoquicklyandIjustdidn’tknowwhattoexpectsoIfrozeandCharliecameintolookforhisstupidheartemojisockandafterthatIstilldidn’tknowwhattodosothemorningafterItoldMeeksandPittsaboutitandtheyweremadatmefornotkissingbackandIwasprettymadatmyselftoobecauseIreallylikeyouandChristmassuckedassbecauseallIcouldthinkaboutwasyouandhowIcouldn’twriteandthiswholeweekwastorturebecausewestillweren’ttalkingsolongstoryshortI’mstupidandI’msorryandIlikeyousomuchmyheartisgoingtodiebutit’sokayifyoudon’tfeelthesameanymoreIjustwanttobefriendsagain!”

When Todd opened his eyes again, it was to a toothy grin. He missed that, he realized. He missed it so much.

“I’m sorry,” Neil laughed, “all I understood was ‘I like you so much.’”

Todd blushed deeply. “I can repeat it slower, I’m sorry, I justgotsodamnnervous—”

Neil waved his hands, that signature smile still in place. “No, no, it’s okay. I’m just messing with you.”

Todd sighed in relief. “So, friends?”

Neil’s face turned serious. “That depends,” he hummed.

Todd’s eyes bulged. “On what?”

Neil’s serious face was replaced with another smile, as if he couldn’t hold it in for too long. “If I can kiss you again.”

Todd opened his mouth to respond, but found no words. Maybe he spent it all on his speech earlier. So instead he smiled widely, dropped his bag full of books on the floor, and closed the gap between them, closing his mouth just in time to avoid their teeth from colliding.

It was almost automatic, almost as if it was scripted. His arms went around Neil’s neck and Neil’s arms went around Todd’s torso. Neil was tall enough for Todd to have to tilt his head up, but not too much that Todd would have to strain his legs to tiptoe. The first one lasted for only three seconds. Todd pulled away, thinking that was already too long, but Neil tightened his arms around Todd and chased him. (Un)fortunately, Neil wasn’t fast enough to reach him.

Todd’s face was already as pink as it could be, but the thought of more of Neil wanting more made it pinker.

Neil chuckled under his breath, putting his forehead against Todd’s with his eyes closed. “Sorry. That was a long time coming and I just couldn’t resist.” Neil exhaled and shook his head. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Todd peered at him from under his eyelashes. He was still smiling the goofiest smile Todd has possibly seen him wear.

Neil opened his eyes, and there was a twinkle there that Todd hasn’t seen in a long time. The last time was after the game against Ridgeway High on the soccer field, with the dusk sky, snow, and the bleachers as their backdrop. “Can I kiss you again?” The words from Neil came slowly, each word low but clear. Todd could swear his heart stopped right there and then.

It was hard to nod when one’s forehead is connected to another, so Todd just managed a meek, “Yes.”

Neil’s smile grew larger, as if it were possible. “Alright. But you should probably lock the door first.”

Todd gulped. “Why? What are you planning to do?”

Neil removed his forehead and unlaced his arms from him. He then proceeded to remove Todd’s jacket. Todd let him. “You’ll see,” he replied, now removing the blond boy’s necktie.

Todd couldn’t bear to look away from Neil’s hands undressing him, so he just fumbled for the doorknob until he successfully locked it. By that time, Todd just had his undershirt and his boxers left.

Neil locked his fingers with Todd’s and leaned in. “This” —Neil kissed him gently, leading the both of them towards someone’s bed, anyone’s bed— “is a long time coming too. This one” —Neil kissed him again, his lips chapped and soft at the same time against Todd’s own— “is also a long time coming. I’m sure the next few hundred” —Todd felt his knees hit the cold metal frame of someone’s bed as Neil kissed him another time— “are also way past deadline. ”

“Seems we have a lot of catching up to do,” Todd murmured. His eyes were half-lidded, his head a little light. He was probably only half-aware when Neil sat back on the bed, and Todd sat on top of him. He only remembered the rough and delicate skin on his mouth, a thousand times on his lips, another thousand somewhere else.

The sun was long gone when someone knocked on their door and yelled, “Dinner! You guys coming?” Then there were snickers from the other side, and a “good one, Knox,” then an “I didn’t mean it!”

Todd cleared his throat, which was significantly hard to do when someone was busy leaving hickeys on it. “We’ll catch up!”

Neil whined beneath him.

Todd breathed. “Or not,” he whispered so that only Neil would hear.

“We won’t bet on it!” said a different voice that sounded very much like Charlie’s. “You’re probably not hungry for food anyway.”

 

* * *

 

Todd didn’t remember falling asleep, but he did remember, quite vividly, the warm body next to him.

“Mornin’,” came the rumble from underneath him.

Todd raised his head from Neil’s arm, trying to get a good look at the person beside him. The dim morning light coming from the window looked good on him and his cheekbones. He said nothing afterwards, just smiled and put his hand on Neil’s clothed chest. He was wearing the weirdest checkered pajamas. Todd didn’t even know anyone still wore those.

Neil raised his free hand to interlace it with Todd’s. Todd watched as Neil absentmindedly moved their hands around, clearing a path among the dust motes floating in the air. After some time, Neil brought Todd’s hand to his mouth and kissed it.

Todd felt a flutter in his chest, just like he did last night, just like he did all those times that he realized he liked this boy. He cleared his throat. Neil then turned his head to look at him, putting their hands back on his chest. Todd then hid his mouth with his free hand, fully aware of the fact that it was morning and that no one had gone to the bathroom to freshen up. (It was honestly puzzling to Todd how couples on movies could make out right after they woke up.)

“Are we… are we…?” Todd couldn’t continue, some nervousness coming back to him. Was Neil the type of person to like labels? Would he be grossed out and back out once Todd proposed to put a label on them?

Neil turned his head to the ceiling, closing his eyes. “I hope we are. I mean, you mean dating, right?”

Todd only hummed.

Neil smiled. “Good.” That made Todd smile, too.

“Man of few words?” Todd asked.

“Au contraire,” countered Neil, now also clearing his throat. He continued moving their hands around. Todd watched as Neil spoke. “There are auditions for this play coming this April. Peter Pan.”

That surprised Todd. Neil had never mentioned any interest in acting before. He thought he was just your average golden boy that was good with both sports and academics. Then again, he did look really enthused when they watched _A Midsummer’s Night Dream_.

“Auditions start last week of January,” Neil continued after placing their hands back on his chest, the slight rumbling of his voice in his chest leaving a buzzing feeling on Todd’s hand, “was thinking of auditioning.”

“Go for it,” murmured Todd. “I’ll be there if you want.”

Neil brought their hands back to his mouth, and Todd felt him smiling against his skin. “I would love that.”

 

* * *

  

At breakfast, they found that Meeks, Pitts, Charlie, and Knox were all sitting at one table, all of them engrossed in their discussion.

“Finally!” crowed Charlie as soon as he saw them walking towards the table. The others immediately stopped talking and turned to see them. Neil and Todd glanced at each other; it was probably a bad idea to come down together at the same time. “Have you both finally sorted out your issues?”

Both of them didn’t know how to tell the group that they were dating, so they agreed that they would stay low for the time being and go on with their lives as if it were normal. They would come out when they were ready, they decided.

Neil, still in his pajamas like the rest of the boys, grinned as he sat down on the empty seat next to Knox. “You betcha.”

It was quite funny how the four of the seated people simultaneously opened their mouths into a huge ‘O’ and hollered. Todd shot an exasperated look at Neil. _Why did he have to answer them like that?_

Knox slammed the table repeatedly, messing up the tableware a bit. “Oh my god! Oh my god!” Those were the only words he said, but he said them over and over again.

“What do you mean by that!?” Pitts exclaimed, a hand over his mouth to keep the bacon he was eating in it.

Meeks shook Todd by the shoulders as the blond boy sat next to him. “Are you!? Dating!?”

Todd eyed the fork that was in one of Meeks’ hands. “You’re going to poke someone’s eye out with that,” he quipped, avoiding the question.

Charlie calmed down the quickest. He just sat there, smirking and nodding to himself, mumbling something like, “I knew it. Good job, good job.”

Neil cleared his throat over the noise. “We’re not dating,” he swiftly lied, looking at Todd’s increasingly uneasy face, “but we’re not fighting anymore. Now can we please eat breakfast quietly before Cameron throws a fit?” He jabbed a finger towards his back, where Cameron and his student government friends sat glaring at them.

Charlie snorted, still smirking. “Please, neither of you were even at dinner last night. What else would you be doing but eating each other’s faces off?”

Todd looked down at his hands.

“Not eating, that’s for sure. So I’m starving!” Neil declared, beginning to stand up again. “Todd?”

That invitation only made their relationship seem more romantic, but Todd was glad for the convenient excuse to get out of the table for a minute or so. Maybe they would’ve calmed down by then. (He would soon realize that he was very, very wrong. They would pester them every chance they got, so Todd ended up retreating to his bedroom along with Neil, which only led to more questions about the nature of their relationship.)

Once they got to the food, Neil shook his head, smiling. “Sorry. Probably shouldn’t have said ‘you betcha.’”

“You betcha,” Todd replied a little bitterly, scooping rice onto his place.

Neil laughed, bumping his shoulder against Todd. “ _I’m sorry_ ,” he said, getting strips of bacon. “Really.”

Todd eyed him for a second, and then sighed. “We’ll have to set down some ground rules sooner or later.” Neil pouted, which caused Todd to elbow him lightly. “I’m serious!”

“Alright, alright, I gotcha,” said Neil lightheartedly. He turned to head back to the table after getting some eggs, but swiveled back immediately. “But really though, can’t we celebrate a little?”

Todd gave him a look. “ _Neil_ ,” he whined. Did he really have to make it so difficult?

“Okay, okay, we’ll keep it in the room then,” Neil finally said, and he winked.

Todd blushed, staring at the back of Neil’s head as the brunet walked back to their table. He supposed the difficulty would be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for srs, i'm so sorry this took like more than a year omfg. more updates upcoming, i s2g. thanks to himemiyas for editing!


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